Worst date stories

Great story StaggerLee. Be hard to top that one.

I was fortunate never to really have a bad date. But I recall how bad I fucked one up once.

The girlfriend at the time and I were having problems. We went to different schools, albeit in the same county so we still saw each other a lot, but we were together for more than 18 months and it was just going stale. One day in my Spanish class, this really attractive blonde asked me out. Well, who in their right mind would turn her down, girlfriend or no? Of course, I failed to mention that I was still officially seeing someone.

It started out as a great date. Shot some pool, had a few drinks and talked a lot of sports. Great girl. Ended up riverside, had a nice kiss, and my guilt kicked in. Yep, told her I still had a girlfriend. Would have been so easy had I just kept my mouth shut for one night. Shoulda broke up with girlfriend the next day and started seeing blondie from Spanish.

I have fucked up a few times in my life in the game of love. That was probably Fuck Up No. 1.

 

Went out with a girl to a Dave and Buster's type place. Had a bunch of drinks, played some skee ball and air hockey, pretty fun night. We talked for a while, really hit it off. She eventually invited me back to her place to "watch a movie" although I don't think those were her intentions. She lived with her parents (still in college) and made it a point to tell me the 'rents were out of town for the weekend.

When I got inside she tells her brother (like 16 or so) to go upstairs and leave us alone for the night. Things were shaping up to be a solid night.

Then my stomach started rumbling. Like a lot. The rumbling grew louder so I tried to play it off.

"I guess I'm a bit hungry."

Being the nice girl she was, she goes into the kitchen and made some Mac and Cheese. I ate some, but not as much as someone with a rumbling stomach should.

Problem is, I had something that didn't agree with me earlier in the night. I think I had some mexican food for dinner, then went out with the girl and had a few brews.

I contemplated going to the bathroom, but, the bathroom was right next to the living room. She would have definitely heard me destroying the place and definitely smelled the fowl destruction of the lavatory once I walked out.

I tried to fight through the movie but the stomach was still rumbling. I told her the food was good, and my stomach had I mind of its own. For nearly two hours I sat there, trying not to shit myself.

I was succesful as my pants were not soiled at the end of the night, but unsuccesful as my pants were still on at the end of the night. Can't get it on, when the whole digestive system is fealing funky.

When I got home, I had one of the greatest shits of my life. Still, the night was uncomfortable in more ways than one. Never called the girl back.

FML. I still wonder what could have been.

She was a college gymnast. :'(

 

Here's one...

Shortly after college I was working at a paper and one of the women who worked on city side would always flirt with me. I wasn't in the office a ton, but I was working most nights and had had issues with girlfriends who didn't understand that I was working most nights and most weekends. She knew the drill, was very attractive and just a couple years older than me. I asked her out.

A few days before we were supposed to go out, I told her I was thinking about taking her to this french restaurant, she said she had heard good things and that was fine. I made a reservation thinking we're good to go. I also got tickets to an Oasis concert, a band I knew she liked. Not bad for a first date.

I pick her up, she looks hot, we go to the restaurant.

We get the menu and she calls over the waiter.

"Do you have any vegan-friendly items on the menu?"

I got a pit in my stomach. The waiter left to check with the chef.

As soon as he left, I said, "Why didn't you tell me you were a vegan, I would have made sure the restaurant had something for you."

I was told quite sternly that she was sick of going to places that didn't offer anything that she could eat and these places needed to know that if they didn't have something vegan friendly on the menu that they were going to lose a lot of business.

The waiter comes back and says they have some vegetarian noodle dishes and also suggests one of the salads.

"Are the noodles made with eggs?"

"Yes, they are."

"THEN I CAN'T EAT THAT."

At this point, I considered walking to my car and leaving her there.

I said, "Look, why don't we go somewhere else?"

"I just can't believe that a place like this would have nothing that I can eat."

I said, "Well, you can have a salad."

"Who's side are you on?"

She mentions to the waiter that we both work for the paper and she's very close with the food editor and would be mentioning this to the critic. This restaurant had only been open a few weeks.

The waiter leaves. One of the assistant chefs comes out and kisses my dates ass like nothing I've ever seen. They agree on some tofu dish.

I ordered the rib eye.

As we're eating our salads she starts to tell me how animals are treated and how could I live with myself by eating something that had once been an innocent animal.

I said, "Well, this lettuce was once alive and now I'm eating it, 'Help me, help me, please don't eat me.'

She wasn't laughing.

For someone who was so picky about what she ate, she drank like there was no tomorrow. I think we had two bottles of wine, one that I ordered before any of this started and the other she ordered while I was in the bathroom. The bottle I ordered was about $30. The one she ordered was about $70.

Our bill is $170 before tip. I paid the bill, which was almost twice what I was hoping it to be.

We get in the car and I ask her if she wants me to take her home.

"Oh, you're trying to get into my pants even before the concert?"

"No, I was planning on dropping you off and leaving you there."

She thought I was joking. I wasn't.

We went to the concert. She asked me to get her something to drink about four times during the show. Then she accused me of trying to get her drunk.

As soon as the show was done, we walked to my car and I drove her home. She invited me in, making her intentions very clear. I told her I wasn't in the mood and just dropped her off.

She told everybody I worked with that I was a perfect gentleman and she couldn't wait for me to ask her out again. When this was passed on to me, I said, "Well, that's never going to happen."

Fortunately, I only saw her a few times after this. Shortly after the date, I got the baseball beat, which meant I would go months without being in the office.

 

Two stories...

Story No. 1:
I was lucky caller No. 10 to a radio station and had won tickets to a screening of 'Syriana.' I was supposed to go with a friend of mine. Not a date thing, just a couple friends hanging out. Her work schedule gets rearranged and she couldn't go, so as a make-good she fixed me up with a pretty attractive friend of hers. +1 for trying to fix me up for a cute friend, but I probably should've scrapped the movie and come up with something else (and I definitely would've had I known what the movie was about). Things started off fine when we met for coffee, but they went downhill quickly as the movie went on. The scene with Matt Damon's kid getting electrocuted in the pool put my chances in dire straits, and Clooney getting his finger cut off pretty much sealed my fate.

So as far as I'm concerned, I was c-blocked by George Clooney. Thanks, George. Take your bloody thumb and shove it up your...

Story No. 2:
A buddy of mine took a girl to a rib cook-off. Found out she was a vegetarian. There wasn't a second date.

 

Who wants a story from their ol' pal Uncle Westie?

 

I'll bite.

 

I want to hear more stories from anyone. I can't write today... I need something to get my mind moving.

 

So I met this girl after a long day of drinking at a baseball game and hit it off pretty well. Got her number, asked her out.

A couple of weekends later, we went out. Did the dinner thing and then went out for a couple of drinks after ward. Things were going very well and when we got back to my house, I invited her in and she agreed. Well, it was pretty clear where things were headed until we got inside and there was a distinctive smell of gas coming from upstairs.

I checked the pilot light and it was indeed out on my stove. Problem was, it was an old as can be stove and the pilot light was way down underneath, making it impossible for me to get to with anything I had to relight it. So, I called the local gas company and they send a guy out. While we wait for him, we sit outside, have a couple drinks and things are going even better. Until the gas man arrives.

Now, as you can imagine, a guy working for the gas company on midnight on a Saturday night in the Midwest is probably not the most normal dude. He was very nice and really helpful but he looked a lot like the crazy tow truck guy from Harold and Kumar. So, he comes over and relights the light in about 10 minutes. I'm thinking 'Great, he'll be out of here and we can pick up where we left off.'

Instead, this guy starts talking my ear off and showing me all of the things that I need to look out for with gas lines and stuff. He even takes me down to the furnace to show me something. When we get down there and out of earshot of my date, I say 'Come on, man, I really appreciate the help but you're really c-blocking me right now.' He just laughed and continued blathering. Finally, 45 minutes later after he says he's done all of the appropriate "checks" he leaves. It's now about 1:30 and he's pretty much killed all of my momentum. I walk her to the car, kiss her goodnight and that's that.

I went on to date her long distance for a little while longer but eventually it just kind of faded away.

 

I was in Sundance Square with a date and a bird shit on my jacket.

 

Fantastic stories. This reminds me why I love hanging out with journalists, they tell the best stories.

Absolutely love the vegan story. That's my worst nightmare. I'm like the polar opposite of vegan, I don't touch any vegetables.

Oh, and the runnerup bad date story to the one I went with involved the girl actually getting our waiter's phone number during the date and asking me if it was OK if she stayed at the restaurant until he got off so they could go out. LOL