Wife out of a job, and I'm about to be out a son

My wife and I, who are awaiting the divorce papers, are currently separated.

She just found out her teaching position isn't being renewed.

We live in the central U.S., but she was raised in Oregon.

She's very depressed right now -- who can blame her? She just lost her husband and job (and her daughter moved out in October). She really isn't in the frame of mind to begin sending resumes out to the, oh, two open positions in this state in elementary education.

At this point in time, she appears to be planning to move in with her mother and (evil) step-father, along with our 13-year-old autistic son.

There's no way I could raise our son on my own, even if I didn't have a job that forces me to be on the road and covering games 2-3 times a week. I can name one of his 5-6 doctors and one of his teachers, and that is only because she is the local varsity volleyball coach.

I told my wife the other day that I wouldn't fight her if she went back to Oregon with him. She basically only lost her job because her boss is a bitch. She is a great teacher, and I'm not just saying it -- not only do her coworkers love her (except for said bitch), and her students worship the ground on which she walks, but her students' parents all love her. One parent broke down and cried when she heard the news.

She has only been teaching two years, and needs one more year to gain tenure. So she is screwed.

As much pain as I've been through throughout this marriage, I just can't do that to her. I obviously still care what happens to her, and know my heart will break if/when she moves, because I won't see my son very often.

Guess I'm not looking for advice, just somewhere to take a dump ...

 

Am I right that you and your ex-wife to be are divorcing amicably? (Not that it matters.)

If that's the case, as small a silver lining as it is, you might still be able to keep some contact with her and your son. Even if your divorce isn't amicable, do everything you can to remain involved in your son's life. And if the divorce isn't amicable, work doubly hard not to drag him into any battles you and your ex-wife will have.

I've heard way too many stories of parents willfully dragging their kids through their divorce, daddy badmouthing mommy and making it clear he won't tolerate the kid standing up for him-or herself.

Sorry for that tangent. I'm a child of divorce myself. I have *very* strong opinions about those who use their children as pawns in their wars against each other.

As for you, if you haven't done so already, I encourage you to seek counseling. Try as some of us might, I don't know of any of us who are licensed psychologists. There are a lot of feelings you're going to have to sort through for your own sake and that of your family.

 

Harley, I'm no expert on divorce. My parents have been married over 30 years despite bickering with each other over the slightest thing nearly every day. The only advice I can give is to try to stay involved in your son's life as much as possible. If it means e-mailing him every day, or phone calls every other day, so be it.

Good luck.

 

I wouldn't abandon hope. So many teachers are going to get pinkslipped across the nation places are going to be scrambling to fill positions come August.

They way I see it, many of the districts laying off teachers will recall them, but many of those teachers may have moved away, switched careers, gone back to school or found other teaching gigs. That means the districts will have to find replacements. These replacements could be unemployed teachers, or teachers who took jobs at a less desirable school. There's going to be a dominoe effect with all sorts of schools needing teachers.

 

Harley, I'm not sure what the exact situation is with your wife right now, but a lot of couples aren't divorcing lately because of the economic climate. You seem like a decent chap and that might be something you want to consider if you and your wife/ex are still on good terms.
You say you're a beat guy? I know about the grind there, but there's also the feeling of renting a place you barely live in since you're on the road a lot. Maybe you could help each other out there.
Plus, while your insurance covers your son for in-network care, that becomes a lot more difficult from a different state. I'm sure you've thought about a lot of this, but sometimes we just need to hear/read it from somewhere else.
Good luck

 

Was she part of a reduction in force (RIF)?

If that was the case, then the principal might not be at fault.

I really do not know what to say as far as the job goes. I do know these teachers will be rehired back eventually, but that might be a few years. When the economy picks up, these positions will be refilled. I would hang tight, though. Moving away to Oregon right now would be unwise because if the school called back with an open position, she would not be there.

Her foot is in the door of her current district. If she was not part of a RIF, though, I would say her hope of being rehired in that district is very slim.

 

Good luck, Handsome. Keep your chin up and do your best to be a big part of your son's life.

 

The ex is being amicable for the most part, but the horns come out seemingly out of nowhere. For instance, she got into a huge argument the other day and started yelling at our son that I am divorcing him, and I am having an affair with my boss. That sort of juvenile bullshit.

We're under the impression that the principal chose not to retain her, not that it was a budget issue.

 

Your local paper should have some stories about teacher layoffs.

You said she is a second-year teacher, and I am guessing she is a classroom teacher. Are there any first-year teachers keeping their jobs?

 

I'm starting to hit the teacher job opening sites and relaying info to her. I can't take her by the hand and lead her to a job, so she's going to have to put on her big-girl panties and suck it up.

She really is a good teacher. If she treated her kids at home as well as she treated her kids in the classroom, we might still be together. But no, it's been over for years. I sacrificed a lot because I didn't want my son to grow up without a father, as I did.

I don't regret leaving; I only regret not doing it sooner.

 

Keep your chin up. That is important right now. I remember past threads you have created, and, please, keep your chin up.