Why you don't root for the Giants in a house full of Cowboys fans

Thank God I didn't get dragooned into marrying into a family like that.
I had to duck out of an ex-girlfriend's house more than once when the booze and badinage started flying. Her father was the desk sergeant at the local PD and knew all my paper's reporters, two of whom were romantically involved and were vacationing in Europe at the time of a wedding we all attended. While in his cups, he grabs me and asks, "What's the story with those two in Europe...are they on some sort of screwing expedition?"
The weekend before, his daughter and I had been to the Cape...to immerse ourselves in the healing waters of Nantucket Sound. Or so the sarge told himself.

 

Why is it that getting drunk with your in-laws is just so much fun?

It seems like you could say just about anything, such as....."You know, I fucked your daughter so hard last night, the neighbors had to smoke a cigarette."

True story; Me, father-in-law, and several others are playing poker one evening.

Father-in-law has been drinking since 4 AM. In fact, he proceeds to tell us that as he was waking up, he couldn't find any orange juice or apple juice around the house to drink with his pancakes......so, he ripped open a fresh case of MGD.

I shit you not.

Anyway, we're playing cards......I beat him out of a pretty nice pot on a certain hand.......he proceeds to tell me......"Son, if you ever want to have sex with my daughter again, you'll stay the hell out of my pots."

 

You should have told him, "Sir, with all the money I'm taking off of you, I can buy all the fresh pussy I want."

 

I'll remember that line for next time.