Whitlock - Burning Down The Pipe

Judging by Whitlock's last 2 AOL columns it appears that he has become the Milton Waddums of ESPN. Last week it was Stewy on the hot seat. This week - Michael Irvin come on down.


Have a look:


10. You knew it was only a matter of time before ESPN’s Michael Irvin would be ticketed for “bojangling.”

Come on, if Flavor Flav is “Mantan” from Spike Lee’s prophetic movie "Bamboozled," then you know The Pipemaker is “Eat-n-Sleep.”

Let’s call Irvin’s critique of Tiki Barber’s planned retirement a case of “When Bojanglers Attack.” All that was missing from Irvin’s routine was a top hat, cane and a pair of tap shoes.

The soft-shoe jig Irvin performed on Barber’s unblemished reputation had to be for laughs because not even Irvin’s “formerly” chemically impaired brain could believe what he was saying.

Tiki Barber and his end-of-the-season retirement are a distraction for the New York Giants? Tiki has sacrificed his ability to be a locker-room leader?

And the man offering this harsh criticism was the former landlord of the Dallas Cowboys’ “White House,” the man who smuggled topless models and crack pipes past Super 8 security guards?

Irvin wrote the book on locker-room distractions and excuse-making. Tiki is writing a book on leadership and how a professional athlete should conduct himself. He is the best and brightest that the NFL has to offer.

And Michael Irvin wants to criticize Tiki? What, did Terrell Owens give The Pipemaker the day off from foot massaging?

An ESPN executive needs to summon Irvin to a meeting room this week and re-explain his duties. In case anyone at the World Wide Leader has forgotten Irvin’s game plan, I have a copy:

A. Butcher the English language to the point that most people assume you never attended a class at Miami or in high school

B. Laugh hysterically when nothing is funny.

C. Defend the indefensible, especially if they’re black.

D. Dress flamboyantly, like you just stepped off the set of Ice-T’s “Pimps Up, Ho’s Down.”

E. Secure softball interviews with troubled athletes.

 

Re: Whitlock - Burning Down The Mouse

Boom, I object to any suggestion that I'm tearing down ESPN. Seriously. I've long been a critic of the Pipemaker, and now that I don't collect a check from ESPN I'm free to expound on my beliefs. "Burning Down The Pipe" is a more appropriate headline for this thread.

 

Fair enough. Keep up the good work. Somewhere Mike Royko is smiling.

 

and the first sentence of your post????? how 'bout calling me charles bronson, a one-man vilgante army out to slaughter bojanglers?

 

If I make another change I will lose to much street cred. Next time pm me with any other changes you want made. Keep it on the low.

Besides I was thinking John Shaft.

 

Here's a link:

http://sports.aol.com/whitlock/_a/irvin-officially-joins-ranks-of-the/20061102094009990001

 

Is it me, or does Michael Irvin look more, um, impaired with every appearance?

 

This article was outstanding. Whitlock is the man. Does anyone have a link to his article on Stewy?

Whitlock-can Berman be next?

 

I don't know if references to "Bamboozled" fly on a national column, not without a little explanation aside from "prophetic." I don't know if that particular Spike Lee movie has entered the mass culture lexicon. That persnickety comment aside, great, great work on Irvin. It needed to be said. And repeated.

 

Here's what he wrote about Stewy:

7. Memo to Stu Scott: Dude, I like your work. I defend your rapping and rhyming on SportsCenter because it’s harmless and you’re just delivering highlights in a unique style. But you went too far with it at halftime Monday night with your Jay-Z intro and damn near set off bojangling alarms all over my house.

A broadcaster, a journalist, a performer must know his audience and service his audience above all else. Flavorizing highlights with a little hip-hop slang on SportsCenter is one thing, but using Jay-Z’s alternate nickname – “Jigga” – at halftime of “Monday Night Football” is ridiculous and offensive.

Stu, you are not Big Tigger and you ain’t on BET. It’s “Monday Night Football.” Look, the ESPN executives were stupid for foisting Jay-Z’s latest video on football fans. If Roger Goodell had a brain, he’d check with David Stern about the damage done to the NBA’s image by tying itself too closely to the hip hop crowd.

I digress. Stu, no one cares that you know Jay-Z’s other name, and the “MNF” audience doesn’t want to waste time wondering whether you just called him “N-word-a” or “Jigaboo.”

Hey, you might’ve scored a few cool points with Jay-Z or Beyonce. Great. But you confused, irritated and offended 95 percent of your audience. And for what? A couple of fist pounds the next time you see Kanye and Jay?

There’s a fine art to staying relevant, hip, cutting-edge and servicing a broader audience. Overall, I like your work, but consider this a bojangling warning. The next stop is a bright red nose, floppy shoes, green hair and a full clown suit. They’re still talking about the one I stitched for one of your colleagues.

 

Now, that Stuart Scott stuff is damn funny.

Nicely done.

 

Crack kills your brain cells, son. It kills your brain cells!