When do you speak out about someone's relationship?

I know this isn't what you intended, Orville, but I gotta admit, I'm curious. When they did start talking again, was the guy like, "Hey, thanks for being straight with me back then ... looking back now, I see you were the only one who was, and I realize you were looking out for me."

 

So which one were you Evil?

Or was this just a St. Olaf story?</Golden Girls>

 

Nice...

 

unless violence is involved NEVER!! 8) 8) 8)

 

Especially if it's your 36-year-old friend dating a 20-year-old.

 

In my mid-20s, I was living in a big apartment with four other guys. One was engaged to a complete and utter bitch. She dictated his every move. She told him what clothes to wear, "suggested" what he order at restaurants and planned his free time to the point that he gave up his monthly day of fishing with his father because she didn't like being without him. He went from being debt-free to maxing out his cards buying clothes, meals, gifts, etc. to match her tastes. He changed jobs because she wanted him to work 8-5 like she did.

We kept our mouths shut (aside from some good-natured ball busting). Then she dumped him two months before the wedding. Roomie was devastated. The other guys elected me to break the news that we all hated her and thought he could do much better. So I did.

The next day, they got back together. Two days later, he tells me I'm no longer a groomsman and that I'm not even invited to the wedding. We've rarely spoken since the wedding.

So unless you're willing to risk losing your friendship, I'd STFU.

 

Having friends is a pain in the ass.

 

I guess I'm going to be the dissenting voice here.

Evil, the friend in your story did the right thing. The fact the couple ended up divorced proved it. I don't care if it won't work or if it might cost you a friend. If a friend is headed for big trouble like that, you tell him (or her). Being a good friend means having the guts to be honest even when the cost might be high.

That said, you do not try to tell the friend what to do. You tell him you're there for him no matter what he chooses, but gently remind him of the problems he had raised before. The point is to ask questions or make him ask them rather than try to tell him what to do.

My good friends know I am like this and they appreciate the honesty and where it comes from. They know if I say something, I'm looking out for them and they know I'd listen if they said something to me. I may go ahead and do the dumb thing they warned me about anyway, but I would at least hear them out and not hold it against them.

 

Topical. Nice.

 

But if you interfere, your friend doesn't listen to you and resents you for your intrustion, what have you gained?

 

What if your friend is 20 and he's dating a woman who's 33?

 

A clear conscience?