What would you be doing if you weren't posting here?

There it is!! Me too

 

I'd be out hunting that damned squirrel . . . or licking my balls.

 

I'd be reminding Stan that he doesn't have balls.

Oh wait, crap.

 

Damn you! Just because SC had the vet cut them out doesn't mean I'm not more man than you!

 

nobody's not more man than me

 

I'd be bitching about fantasy trades on my Facebook.

 

I'd probably be masturbating watching TV.

 

having cybersex with arnold.

 

I'd probably be devoting my time to charitable causes like helping out at homeless shelters or Habitat for Humanity builds.

Or I'd work on projects to improve the environment, reduce our dependence on oil, control the greenhouse effect or otherwise make this planet more inhabitable for generations to come.


Ok, really now, if I wasn't spending on SportsJournalists.com, I'd no doubt be involved in mischief and trouble of so many varieties the Heinz people would stare open-mouthed. Probably would start innocently enough--maybe a few late night rides bashing in mailboxes with a baseball bat, maybe gathering all the home for sale signs I could find and placing in a single yard, maybe arranging various lawn ornaments of the animal type in naughty, compromising positions, maybe spending time listening to Krokus and Cinderella.

But surely it would grow from there. Destruction of mailboxes would lead to stolen cars, realty signs would turn into egging houses and cars, Krokus would begat pulling out the Lord Tracy CD.

Who knows where it would stop? Get that spiral going out of control, and all of a sudden, I'm a drug addled, two bit pimp running a small time prostitution ring, strung out on Bon Jovi and the Crue, and selling black tar heroin on the seamy side of town. After that, it's probably off to New York to run for elected office.

So, thank you, SportsJournalists.com. Thank you for making me a productive, law abiding, contributor to society. Thank you for providing the guidance, structure and belief system I need to stay on the straight and narrow.

So, don't think of SportsJournalists.com as a simple message board. Don't think of time spent here as wasted. No, rather consider this fine board a public service to the community at large. The community of humankind.

 

today? Laying sod...

 

Please tell me that's a euphemism.