What makes Joe Posnanski a good columnist?

NightOwl · May 1, 2008

mustardbased said:

My favorite column by anyone, ever. And though I'm certain I've posted it here before (probably many times, in fact), here it is again.

Posnanski def. Cardinals fans, KO

http://sportsforum.ws/mlb-fantasy-baseball/t-st-louis-fans-legends-in-their-own-minds-123705.html

Most Cardinals fans will tell you that Cardinals fans are the best because they are the most knowledgeable. They understand the intricacies of the game. For instance, when Cardinals pitcher Cal Eldred walked Royals pitcher Jeremy Affeldt on four pitches Sunday, many of the fans booed. They knew, without anyone telling them, that this was not a good move.

Still, I have to admit, in three games, I didn't notice a whole lot of discussion about the wisdom of a pitcher bunting with runners on first and third. Instead, I saw a lot of people drinking beer. I saw a lot of kids eating cotton candy. I saw a lot of people shrieking after routine pop-ups because they thought they were home runs. I saw a lot of people screaming "balk," when the pitcher faked a throw to second, even though pretty much the first thing they teach you in kindergarten, before even the ABC song, is that it's not a balk.
I saw fans leave to beat traffic. I saw drunken fans stumble into bushes. Sunday, I saw all the people who had not yet left doing the wave in the eighth inning of a close game.

In other words, I saw Cardinals fans acting pretty much like fans in every other city in the United States of America. Now, maybe there was a level of sophistication I just missed. Maybe fewer fans per capita cheered pop-ups.
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Well, I think Pos is the best in the business, but that column is a poor example.

That column is a typical homer column, which anyone can do. Anyone can rag on the team next door, or their fans.

You can find 20 or 30 or even 50 better examples of his work by looking through the links on his Web site.

I just sent off for his book of past columns. Can't wait to read them.

Herbert Anchovy · May 13, 2008

http://apse.dallasnews.com/contest/2002/writing/over250/over250.columns.first3.html

Bullwinkle · May 13, 2008

Lee Jackson Beauregard said:

http://apse.dallasnews.com/contest/2002/writing/over250/over250.columns.first3.html
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That's nothing.

Read his BLOG (!) post from today. Then, after you are reading that, check out the column that was posted in the comment section from eight years ago.

http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2008/05/12/i-really-didnt-need-that-stew/#comments

Babs · May 13, 2008

This guy could make trash hauling interesting. I'll read anything he writes, topic is irrelevant. He really should be writing just books instead of columns in my opinion.

buckweaver · May 15, 2008

Bullwinkle said:

http://joeposnanski.com/JoeBlog/2008/05/12/i-really-didnt-need-that-stew/#comments
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Simply amazing. Every writer on this site needs to read that post.

And here's the original Rulon Gardner column from 2000 (for those too lazy to scroll through the first few comments):

COPYRIGHT 2000 The Kansas City Star

Byline: Joe Posnanski

SYDNEY, Australia _ OK, let’s try to start it this way: A man named Rulon Gardner, who grew up on a Wyoming dairy farm, on Wednesday pulled off what might be the single greatest upset in Olympic history when he shocked the legendary and undefeated Russian wrestler Alexandre Karelin, no, wait, this story’s bigger than all that. Let’s try it again.

SYDNEY, Australia _ Rulon Gardner, who used to be called “Fatso,” by schoolmates when he was growing up in Afton, Wyo., defeated Russian legend Alexandre Karelin Wednesday. Karelin, a nine-time world champion and three-time Olympic champion, had never lost an international wrestling match. Wait. Stop. That doesn’t quite capture the scene, does it?

SYDNEY, Australia _ A full house of fans sat in stunned silence as Alexandre Karelin, the unbeatable force, a man who once lifted a refrigerator up seven flights of stairs because he could not find someone to help him, was beaten by Rulon Gardner 1-0 in the most shocking wrestling upset … Gotta stop using that word “shocking.”

Maybe we should start with the mother.

SYDNEY, Australia _ Virginia Gardner knew her son was strong the first time she saw him carry around four milk buckets at once. Still, she admitted she was more than a little nervous sitting in the stands watching Rulon wrestle Alexandre Karelin, a man so ferocious that twice in Olympic finals, his opponents essentially quit on the mat.

No, let’s try the Dad:

SYDNEY, Australia _ Reed Gardner made it to Australia to watch his son by selling his famous stew at the Lincoln County Fair (Ingredients: carrots, potatoes, onions, Polish sausage), but he never thought he would watch Rulon defeat Alexandre Karelin, a man dubbed “The Toughest Man In The World.”

“I hope I never wake up,” Reed says.

No, that doesn’t capture the weight of the moment. That doesn’t tell how invincible Karelin was before Wednesday. How about this:

SYDNEY, Australia _ Wrestlers always knew in their hearts they could not beat Alexandre Karelin. Beat him? Only one person in 10 years had scored on him. Karelin won every match despite broken ribs and torn muscles and opposing coaches who would spend months designing strategies just to beat him.

He was the kind of man who hauled logs through the Russian snow. He was the kind of man who would leave the home saying that he was going to work out and not return until the next day. He was the kind of man movie producers craved for the screen, but he told them, plainly, simply, “I am a Greco-Roman wrestler, not a Hollywood star.”

Sheesh, you writing a book on the guy? When do you get to actual match?

SYDNEY, Australia _ In the end, Alexandre Karelin knew he was beaten. And in one of the most stunning moments in Olympic history, Karelin bowed his head with four seconds left in the match, and he conceded defeat to American Rulon Gardner.

“He mumbled something Russian at the end,” said Gardner, whose greatest previous wrestling achievement was finishing fifth at the World Championships in 1997. “I think it was `I give up.’ ”

No, that doesn’t tell how far Rulon came for this. He’s the hero, here. We’ve got to start with him:

SYDNEY, Australia_ Rulon Gardner did not think he could do this. Guys who grow up in little Wyoming towns, on dairy farms, they don’t grow up to beat unbeatable men. But those days of bailing hay and milking cows made Gardner stronger than he ever imagined. Strong enough, even, to defeat Russia’s Alexandre Karelin.

“When you pushed against him,” Gardner said. “It was like pushing against a horse.”

No, hold on, pushing against a horse? This isn’t Green Acres, for crying out loud. Why don’t you just start the story with Gardner comparing this guy to a cow?

SYDNEY, Australia_ Rulon Gardner said Wednesday that wrestling against the invincible Alexandre Karelin was a lot like trying to push around a cow.

“Only problem is,” Gardner said, “he’s a little quicker.”

This is absurd. Maybe you should go with something personal.

SYDNEY, Australia_ I have never seen anything like this. Never in all my life. And I still don’t know what I saw. Apparently, a total nobody, a guy named Rulon Gardner, who grew up in a town in Wyoming so small that his mother placed it by saying it was close to Idaho, just beat Alexandre Karelin, the greatest wrestler who ever lived.

I say “apparently,” because I have no earthy idea what just happened. The rules are kind of confusing. Gardner scored one point when he broke out of Karelin’s grasp. And then, for the next six minutes, Karelin desperately tried to get at Gardner. I don’t know what he was doing, what moves he was trying, but it was breathtaking, watching Karelin chase and Gardner defend, chase and defend, back and forth. It was mesmerizing. It was fascinating.

“He fought the perfect match,” national Greco-Roman coach Steve Fraser said. “Absolutely perfect.”

Nah, too many “I’s” in there. How about this?

SYDNEY, Australia_ Nothing quite like this has ever happened in the Star Valley area in Western Wyoming. Well, every so often, Wilford Brimley fishes here sometimes. “You know,” Virginia Gardner says, “that Quaker Oats guy.”

But this is bigger than that. Local boy Rulon Gardner won gold in Greco-Roman wrestling. But it was much more than that. He beat the invincible man, Russia’s Alexandre Karelin. This has thrown the entire area for a loop.

“We’re going to have to dispense with the birthdays this morning,” KRSV’s Dan Dockstader reported to his listener’s early Tuesday morning. “We’ve got a lot of breaking news happening.”

Dockstader said the town of Afton, Wyo., has come alive. Signs everywhere. Hugs everywhere. Everyone was riveted to the KRSV radio, which had cut away from its usual country music. Rulon himself called in at about 4 a.m. from the Sydney Planet Hollywood. The connection broke up after a while, but not before Rulon could tell the town how thrilled he was.

“We’re going to have plenty of members of the Gardner family on during the week,” Dockstader announced.

Too folksy. What you should do is just tell them straight.

SYDNEY, Australia_ A man named Rulon Gardner, who grew up on a Wyoming dairy farm, pulled off what might be the biggest upset in Olympic history when he shocked the legendary and undefeated Russian wrestler Alexandre Karelin.

There’s nothing in sports history to compare this too, because no one in sports history was ever as unconquerable as Karelin. Three golds. Nine world championships. He had never lost an international match. Matt Ghaffari, one of the great American wrestlers, had chased Karelin around the world.

Ghaffari’s record against Karelin: 0-22.

Meanwhile, Gardner had never won a single major international tournament. He had fought Karelin once, lost 5-0, and when asked if wrestling Karelin before had given him confidence, Gardner said “Actually, what it did

was frighten me.”

But something happened inside Gardner. Something impossible to describe. Maybe it came from wrestling hard with his brothers and sisters. He is the youngest of nine. Or maybe it came out from the helplessness he felt when kids back home used to call him “Fatso.” That hurt. But it also gave him fury.

Whatever, Wednesday, he simply refused to yield to the greatest wrestler of all. He refused to be thrown. He refused to be pushed around. He went out there, in a T-shirt signed by friends and Richard Petty, with his entire family watching from the stands, and he matched the best who ever lived.

And In the gripping final seconds, it was Karelin who dropped his head in defeat.

Karelin then shook Gardner’s hand, and he walked over to American Olympic coach Dan Chandler and shook his hand as well.

“Your man did very well,” Karelin said.

No, that’s not it either.

SYDNEY, Australia_ Here’s what Rulon Gardner said after doing the impossible on Wednesday: “I can’t wait to see it on TV and see how it actually was.”

You know what? Forget it. There’s no way to tell this story.
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MileHigh · May 15, 2008

Brilliant stuff.

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