What Makes a Great Bar?

You got that one right

 

Nah. The locals should have home-felt advantage.

 

One that's burning to the ground. Sorry, couldn't resist, never was one for bars.

 

Lack of pretenses, affordable beer and a great jukebox.

 

A good head is an inch thick.

Lots of luck getting a well-poured beer at the ballpark.

 

A good bar should serve only the following three food groups: peanuts, pretzels and chips.

 

A bartender, preferably named "Duffy" or "Milo" who understands the concept of "beer futures."

Because in this bar you're invited to linger well after closing time, you are free to purchase at least one post-last-call beer.

That's a good bar.

 

Being able to drink after last call.
Some sort of hot food. Burgers are great, so is pizza. A fried spam sandwich makes it sublime.
A good bar needs a bar, with stools. It also needs those banquettes that can handle a group of people and all can sit around the table.
It is within stumbling distance of another bar and has a deck or patio for when the weather is nice.
The owner hangs out at the bar.

 

Until I show up at the Goose! Ha!

Anyway, to me, a great bar is like pornography: tough to describe but I know one when I see one.

I'm all for no karaoke and I'll pass on bands too. If I want live music I know where to find it. There should be loads of TVs showing sports (bonus points for showing pay-per-view fights and having stuff like Sunday Ticket and MLB Extra Innings), no fucking game shows or the weather channel (unless there is a hurricane or something coming). Some bars I go to in the Toronto area show a local news channel (muted) which is handy too. Local paper at the bar to browse is good too.

Some have mentioned bartenders buying drinks for regulars and/or good tippers and paying for your drinks out of cash left on the bar. That seems to be a uniquely American phenomenon, I have experienced it on vacation down there but never seen it up here, even at great neighbourhood joints like the Goose (which are rapidly disappearing up here).

There hasn't been happy hour at Ontario bars for 25 years or so and drink "specials" are very rare - and rarely special when you do find one, but a good selection of draft (and clean lines and someone who knows how to pour them) is essential. A good, reasonably priced menu - it doesn't have to be elaborate but do what you do well - is also a major selling point for me.

 

A great juke box.

A bartender who knows what a spider is and does the right things when it happens.

 

No assholes.