We've done SNL, now how about Kids in the Hall?

What do you think my head weighs?

How much is that in veal?

 

Easily their best character.

 

Kid: Daddy, what's that bad man doing to my donkey?

Dad: That's not just any bad man, that's Hitler and he's f***ing your donkey.

 

Ah, but which one is historically accurate?

 

One of my all-time favorite sketches on on KITH was "The Night of the Cow."

That, and "Girl Drink Drunk."

 

"Sure, Russ. I'll have a chocolate choo-choo."

 

It's crush, not squish.

No love for Cathy and Kathie, or Hecubus ruining the ending to Presumed Innocent? (EVIL! EVIL!)

 

I'm here to serve you, master. Aaaaaaaaaand Satan!

 

Love KITH. Absolutely love them. I wish I had made it to the Toronto outing, because I was going to find a way to see them or pick up some KITH merch.

 

It was my final semester of college. I was driving a forklift 40 hours a week at Sam's Club and I also had an unpaid internship two days a week. I had 12 semester hours remaining in order to don the cap and gown.

As I was trying to figure out which classes to take for the last waltz, I thought "you know, I've really busted my ass, working full-time all through school, pulling all-nighters just to try to keep up with classes and such...fuck it; I'm gonna take some easy classes."

So I had my internship, as well as classes on the plight of women in literature 1800-present, drama as literature (basically, reading plays) and intro to acting. I'm an extrovert, a goofball and it's my last semester, so who gives a fuck? Really, how hard could this be?

Actually, it was plenty. The women's lit class was actually quite interesting. My drama lit class was possibly one of the hardest classes I've ever had, and that was really nothing compared to the acting class. It was a lot of hard work and preparation, but for someone who was taking the class as a goof, I did alright.

My acting class final was the last one of my college career. And we had to do a solo piece. As time-starved as I was, I really didn't know what to do or where to look for the right two-minute piece to go out on. I was watching a tape of Kids In The Hall, when it hit me. So in an attempt to go out in a blaze of glory, I did the following (and in case you're wondering, yes, I did it with gusto, and it went over about as well as Olive's dance routine in LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE). Without further adieu...

"Hi, my name's Dave Foley/westcoastvol, and, uh, something you might not know about me is that .. I have a good attitude towards menstruation. That's right, I'm the guy! The guy with a good attitude towards menstruation!

Oh, I know a lot of men are made uncomfortable by this monthly miracle. But not me. No, I embrace it. Embrace it the way the way some men embrace the weekend! Why I anticipate it the way a child anticipates Christmas!

Did you know that, uh, in alot of native Indian cultures, menstruating woman were forced to leave the village, less they're *powerful* magic should overwhelm the Shaman? If I were Shaman, I wouldn't be so competitive. I'd be more open and giving. I'd be a shaman with... a good attitude towards menstruation!

'Cause after all, what is it? a cluster of blood vessels, awaiting a fertilized egg. Providing a safe warm place for that egg to grow. And if a life does not occur, the whole thing is flushed away, and the cycle begins again. Now is that anything to be ashamed of or disgusted by? No, this is the nesting stuff of humanity!

That's why the woman I shall love will be able to menstruate as fully and freely as she desires. Even if her monthly flow should build in intensity to a raging rust colored torrent! An unbridled river of life giving blood flowing from between her legs! An awesome cataract plunging off the edge of our couch. I wouldn't be fazed! No, no, even if coureur de bois would come up stream, battling the rapids, and singing a 'jaunty song'! I would take no offense, rather I would ford across that mighty womanly river, and fetch herbal tea and Pamprin. And then I would mop her brow and admire her fecundity. For I...Have A Good Attitude....Towards MENSTRUATION!"

>>After the small smattering of applause drew its final breath, I announced that I had officially finished my college career, grabbed my bookbag and walked out the door.

 

Look, if you don't shut up (aims gun) this is gonna happen to you... (shoots)

Ah, shit. (The car veers left and crashes)