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Twas The Night Before Christmas (Politically Correct version)

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by EStreetJoe, Dec 24, 2007.

  1. EStreetJoe

    EStreetJoe Well-Known Member

    another one I got via e-mail 11 years ago. Not as funny as the others, but I'll post it anyway..

    > 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a
    > world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to
    > "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor
    > conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
    > Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the
    > wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite
    > clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and
    > Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know
    > that looked stupid!
    > The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed
    > dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops
    > When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke
    > from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. His fur trimmed red suit
    > was called "Unenlightened."
    > And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was
    > suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in
    > front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
    > So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said
    > she'd enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a
    > whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
    > And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a choice
    > could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
    > Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
    > Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim, Nothing to
    > shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls,
    > or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing
    > that's warlike or non-pacifistic.
    > No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed
    > to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like
    > Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raised the hackles of those
    > psychological Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
    > No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing
    > sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be
    > passe; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
    > So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just could not
    > figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But
    > you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite
    > empty, limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
    > Something special was needed, a gift that he might Give to all without
    > angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no
    > indecision, Each group of people, every religion;
    > Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you.
    > So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... May you and your loved
    > ones, enjoy peace on Earth.
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