Too much info, Brandon Marshall

http://www.deadspin.com/5016565/brandon-marshall-isnt-ready-to-wipe-with-his-right-hand-yet

When asked how his rehab from a forearm injury was coming along, the Bronco said he's doing everything with his right hand again. Except...

Uh... erm... Eww. Don't think many folks were shaking his hand after that. Sure, we all do it, but do we really need that mental image? I guess it coulda been worse. The topic of porn could have come up.

Reminds me of time when I was waiting to interview a guy after hoops practice. Coach blows the whistle, teams meets at centercourt then breaks up. My guy is very visibly scratching himself (inside his jock, by the looks of it!) with his right hand most of the way over to talk to me, then extends same hand for a pre-interview handshake. I said "better not, I have a cold" instead of "Dude! I think I'll pass on the nutsack dew!"

 

At least that was a unique quote.

 

I totally would have told him I saw that. I can't imagine he wouldn't get a kick out of it himself.

 

Why, dude? He's not going to shake your hand with his left ... or is he? I tried shaking with my left once. It freaks people out, man.

 

I've shaken hands with my left or I've apologized if my hand is in no shape to shake.

I don't think I wanted that image of Brandon Marshall.

 

Is it the left hand that gets to you guys? Because I'm getting real tired of the prejudice around here.

 

I didn't know 'Gola! coached football.

edit: I apparently suck at reading - was a basketball player

 

My cousin broke both wrists in a four-wheeler accident when he was in high school (about 15 or 16, I think) and had casts from fingertips to elbows for six weeks. I asked him one time how he wipes his ass and he said sheepishly "mom has to do it for me."

So there you go ...

 

Mike311: I am left-handed (not quite by choice) but do shake hands right-handed. It always annoys me when people *automatically assume* I would prefer shaking hands with my left. It shows a complete ignorance on their part, in my opinion. As for Marshall, just another stupidity-filled episode as far as I am concerned.

 

I knew a guy once who broke both his arms on a motorcycle back in the 80s. His 8-year-old niece was giving him a pretend haircut with real scissors, and she took a chunk of strands out. Visibly and emotionally shaken, he jumped out of the chair, got on his bike and sped to his stylist, Alejandro. Only he swerved off the road and drove right into the ditch, breaking each arm.

He had to wear a dual cast for a couple months, and his nieces, brother-in-law and friend had to dress him, feed him, bathe him and wipe his dirty points. They even had to aim, too. He got through it OK, but it took a while to get used to his new hair style.

 

No one's ever assumed I'd want to shake left-handed. That's funny, though. People are a weird breed.

 

You just love throwing Full House references in everywhere you can, don't you? It's beginning to all make sense.