Tonight's Stupid Phone Call

RING RING.

"Daily Grunt Sports, Starman speaking."

"OMG, did you see what just happened on TV?"

"No, what?"

"It's the WORLD SERIES! Why the hell aren't you watching? Aren't you the Sports Department?"

"Well, we actually have work to do."

"Like what?"

"Like putting out the paper."

"Oh. Uhhh... Well you shoulda seen it."

SLAM.

:

 

Tonight's phone call --

I noticed y'all had a two-page write-up (not true, but whatever) on Podunk High's volleyball win over Bumfuck last night.

Well, they may have beat us, but our JV whupped the tar out of them and there wasn't one word in the story about that. I don't understand. The JV works just as hard as the varsity and they'd like some coverage, too.

:

 

"Apply directly to forehead"

 

How come you didn't mention Podunk High making the playoffs in your story today? They've had a great season and deserve as much credit as all the other teams in the area. Why don't you ever give Podunk any credit, like you do Dingleberry Central and Shitstain County?

It was in the third paragraph, sir.

Oh.

Have a nice day.

 

How about copy editor on night off calls five minutes to deadline and wants to know the score of a football game that concerns two teams not even in the paper's coverage area? You tell him you're on deadline, and he still wants to banter on....

I just hung up on his ass. What an idiot, and he's been doing this shit longer than me.

 

Lot of that going around here lately. Must be a full moon, or moms must have gotten that new shipment of black tar heroin in.

 

Don't bad-mouth black tar heroin till you've tried it.

 

Know where I can get any?

 

Here, no. But I'm sure meth isn't too hard to get.

 

Uh-oh, I smell a grounding.

 

Naw, that's just the back seat of the former rental car in Decatur...