Throwing my hat into the ring...

Thanks to the nomination by andyouare?, I'm hearby announcing my intention to run for president of the United States in 2008, and my prospective VP candidate is none other than Barack Obama.

First of all, let me introduce key points to really improve America...

* State of the Union -- If elected, I vow to conduct the State of the Union address at halftime of the Super Bowl, which would accomplish two things. First, it was eliminate those hideous halftime shows where a throng of "fans" packed around a stage rock to the Rolling Stones. Second, it would keep more butts in the seats and lower the amount of water used to flush millions of toilets during the break.

* BCS -- I would immediately, by presidential executive order, cease all BCS operations and institute a playoff system in NCAA Division I football. The exact number of eligible teams will either be 8 or 16, the number to be determined by a blue-ribbon panel of experts, including Kirk Herbstreit and former lawmaker and coach Tom Osborne.

* Iraq -- In perhaps one of the most unique solutions to the problem in which we're mired, I vow to have massive police sweeps in Los Angeles, Chicago, Houston, Dallas, Miami, New York, and other major cities to identify and capture gang members. Instead of being charged or jailed, this gang members will be armed and sent over to Iraq, where they'll be able to stake out their "turf" on their own terms, thereby bringing a much better sense of order to the land.

* Health Care -- It's a multi-step process on a somewhat fragile footing, but imagine the rewards if it works. I'd legalize "medicinal" marijuana for all ailments more serious than a headache. This would, in turn, reduce the incidents of people driving while drunk (if you've ever gotten high, you usually have no desire to leave the house). Those who do drive, while "intoxicated" in a sense, will be encouraged to buy food in massive quanties. However, a special tax on certain items -- chips, ice cream, candy, etc. -- will be levied to help pay for the increases in obesity and other health problems. And since non-high people will also be paying this tax, health care can be drastically improved in this country. A side benefit would be that there'd be a lot more really relaxed and mellow people in this country, driving down the incidents of violent crime.

There's more issues on which I'm building my platform but I'll share them once I actually hit the campaign trail.

Remember, AlleyAllen/Obama in '08. You do have an alternative to the Capitol Crazies.

 

I am fascinated by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

 

Allen Allen...

I'm behind you 3 percent

 

AlleyAllen: The Dennis Kuccinich of SportsJournalists.com (and Alley, I mean that in a good way).

 

Ditto.
Although, I'm really not high on the health care thoughts. (OK, feel free to mock me on that lame joke ... but I really do need to hear more about this proposed heathcare plan).

If we can agree on this healthcare plan, and you are elected, please consider Big Buckin' Agate_Monkey for your National Dog Catcher cabinet.

 

I have a feeling my proposed cabinet would be as much of a selling point as my actual platform.

 

Alley, I've got a great slogan for you:

"Vote Alley or hate America!"

 

I might also make a good lead for your Peeping Tom cabinet.

 

You definitely have the intimidation factor going for you there. I'm thinking either State Department, UN delegate or House liaison.

 

What is your stance on walling off Canada? That's the make-or-break deal for me this coming election season.