Things not to eat while driving.......

I'm driving back from Lincoln, Nebraska yesterday.

Roughly a 7 hour trip one way.

I have a soft spot in my stomach for Chipotle.

I pick up a steak burrito, with rice, pinto beans, hot sauce, sour cream, corn and cheese.

Lady says "here or to go"

I think for a split second; OK, now if I am really intelligent, I will spend 20 minutes, sit down, grab a Corona, and relax,

So, as I have the cruise on 80 on the interstate, driving with my knee, inhaling this 12-pound mexican fiesta, I hit a bump on the interstate.

It looked as if this burrito had exploded all over me. I had red sauce all over my shirt, sour cream on the steering wheel, and cheese and rice on the floorboard of my Durango.

So, to make a short story longer, if must eat and drive, make sure it's not Chipotle.

 

It's easier to keep the driving wheel stable if you have your big toe. </crossthread>

 

Mexican food is all kinds of dangerous on the road. Last time I ate fajitas while driving, the big iron skillet melted the fucking plastic on my passenger seat. Then my dog, which was in the back seat, got his muzzle all up in the little side dish of sour cream. When a trooper stopped me for swerving, he insultingly asked me if I'd finished on the dog's grille. Good times.

 

I can't eat Chipotle without making a mess when I'm not driving.

 

Kidding aside, I do think burritos are one of the worst road foods ever, though I will still take a risk and try to eat one sometimes while driving. The simple, tortilla-wrapped item looks manageable enough, but stuff always falls out.

One time when I was in New Mexico, I got a chile relleno burrito, which is as awesome as it sounds. I'm driving, take a bite, and the whole damn chile comes sliding out of the burrito and was hanging from between my teeth. Doglike, hands-free wolfing of the entire chile ensued.

 

Well ... I was expecting a trouser chili moment after the first few lines.

 

I thought he was going to say he tried to eat corn. [/shamelesscrossthread]

 

shameless indeed

 

Someone fill me in. Did an Sj'er actually try this?

 

And I'll never get another lobster to go either.

That little bib isn't anywhere near big enough to do the job. Frankly when you're wearing that stupid thing, it's difficult to make a convincing case to the cop when you get pulled over for dodging all over the road. And it doesn't take long for all that spilled melted butter to go rancid.

 

There aren't too many things I won't do, but I won't eat Taco Bell or Arby's in a car for that reason, Chef. Those foods are too good to be cared for so haphazardly. You're supposed to sit down and enjoy them. Anyone can make a burger, but it takes talent to stack the roast beef and build the burritos so.

Of course, now I don't allow anyone to eat in my car. But when I started driving, with my mom, she said, "Stop at McDonald's, and I'll teach you the most important driving technique." We ordered the food, and she said, "Keep your left hand on the wheel and pick the fries up with your right. Once you master this, you'll be all set."

 

Should've just gone with the Bol Burrito.