They say that breaking up is hard to do.....

I've been fairly lucky, I suppose, in that pretty much all my breakups have been remarkably civil and decent. Tears, of course, but no outrageous recriminations, use of medieval weaponry, threats to take a kitchen torch to nutsack/vulva, accusations of cocksuckery, etc.

One story I have no way of verifying, but I suspect it's true, as it's totally in character with this guy I knew in massage therapy school.

He was the least healer-like out of all the massage therapists. Dude was a nurse, very nervous and wound up, seemed like he might be struggling with inner gayness. Always seemed to have disasters happen...one of those bad-luck, bad-energy people.

So he tells me about his 30th birthday party...in his apartment complex. There's noise, it's late, cops show up. There's a discussion between dude and the police out in front of the apartment. Apparently he gives him some attitude so they load his drunk ass into the squad car just to teach him a lesson. The cops act like they're going to give him some sort of public intoxication or drunk and disorderly charge, but apparently mister drunky drawers got very respectful and contrite once he was put into the police car. Figuring that the point had been made, the cops, after driving around with him for about 20 minutes, drop him back off at the apartment with a warning.

But his relief at avoiding a night in jail was soon replaced with horror. He returns to find the party still going, guests still present...and his bedroom door shut. He opens the door to find his girlfriend getting it on with two dudes. One's bangin' her from behind while she's sucking the tool of another. Awkwardeness ensued. Penises were removed from mouth and pussy and boners deflated.

As one would expect, that's the point in the evening when the host told everyone that the party was over. Dude rages, throws out everyone except the girlfriend. They have a big screaming fight, during which she tearfully pleads for him to forgive her. And he does! What a dumbass. They didn't break up until a few months later.


"What a maroon."

 

If we are going to swerve into stories about friends, I've got some good ones. I really don't have a good one of my own to contribute. Last girl I broke up with, I'd been seeing her only a few weeks before I met the woman who is now my wife.

The other girl and I had a great first date, then it went downhill from there. I called to tell her we were done. Left a message (just asking to talk. I didn't break up with a voicemail) and she never called back.

The best one I've heard was a friend of mine from college. She was in law school where I was an undergrad. Nice girl, but VERY high opinion of herself and always chasing older men. So, she was very happy when she met a guy five years older who was interested.

Then he starts telling her about a psycho ex who won't leave him be. Then the "ex" loses her place and he has to take her in. I forget the whole ridiculous story he told her. My friend keeps telling me about her man's "big heart," and refuses to listen when I question the story.

Then she calls him one day and the ex answers. Somehow, they end up talking and compare notes. It turns out that he and the "ex" are engaged. Even better, he had refused to set a date until she proved to him she could get pregnant with his child. I guess my friend was going to be Plan B if his fiancee failed. He told the fiancee that my friend was pretty much stalking him.

I still wonder if he had the equipment left to get any girl pregnant once the fiancee got ahold of him.

 

Did you date Ruthie from The Real World?

I don;t have any interesting break-up stories, but I enjoyed reading these.

 

Wouldn't phone sex have been better than instant messenger sex?

And no misspellings to spoil the moment!

 

About 8 years ago I wound up dating a girl for about six months. I was on the rebound from a 5-year long distance releationship.
We started dating and things were going allright, not great, but good enough. About a month or two in she started taking a grad class and the amount of time we got to see eachother, let alone talk, dwindled. Everytime I called to talk to try seeing how things were going and what we could to make things better was met with a "I'm too busy" response. Somehow we stayed together another month or so, then during the short time period between Valentine's Day and my birthday she breaks up with me saying "the relationship isn't going in a direction I want it to"
I wound up getting back together with the girl I had been in the long-distance relationship for and we had another rocky 3-4 years before mutually calling it off. Four months after that I met the woman I wound up marrying.

 

Probably would have went through fewer keyboards, too.

 

What a closing line. I'm sure he'll never forget you, at the least.

 

An ever-present argument? So this was back before the Internet ... and, um, books?

 

Damn, Deb, I thought I had it bad. I feel for your friend.

 

What a moron. Anyone who can't recite each baseball champion from 1975 on doesn't have a pulse. That's just science.

 

I refuse to read this thread, and I'm not making a threat here, but let me just say, FH, that you deserve a serious ass-kicking for putting that song in my head, or anyone else's for that matter. That is all.

 

yeah I'm pretty sure that relationship was beyond repair once he insisted the Tigers were 1985 world champs.

I mean, it's not like that's arguable.