They Forgot Baby Jesus

I had an assignment to cover a live nativity. I was supposed to participate and tell the story from that perspective, but I decided against it when the organizer seemed a little perturbed.

Anyway, about 15 minutes before the gates opened so that people could enjoy the walk-through nativity scene (complete with market), the organizer discovered that one of the actors forgot to bring a baby doll. That's right, no baby Jesus...at a live nativity celebrating the birth of baby Jesus. It's going into my story. Anyway, you could literally see my apartment building from the church parking lot, so I offered to run home and grab a baby from my daughter's room.

Imagine my surprise when all I could find was a troll doll, an strange-looking baby doll with bunny ears and a baby doll covered in pink felt pajamas. Apparently, I need to buy my girl a baby doll.

Worried that they'd look completely ignorant, I brought the pink doll along. While I was on my way out of the gate, a truck decided to stop and block my path. It had been quite a long few days, and I was a walking zombie. In my irritation at the man in the big, black truck, I pounded the doll, which I had clutched in my right hand, against the passenger seat. As I did this, I shouted "Jesus Christ."

In case you're curious, my Jesus didn't make the cut. The other doll had arrived, which left me holding a pink baby doll while a group of old geezers from the local retirement home shot me looks of bewilderment.

 

Now you can put nail holes in the doll's hands.

 

I thought this was a thread about Sidney Crosby.

There's only one Baby Jesus

 

I thought we were going to have a live reinactment of the Dragnet nativity show ...

 

About 15 years ago, I was working at a small town where something like this happened. Around town there were probably a half-dozen nativity scenes with near-life-size figures.

We started to get strange police reports. Just about every night, one of the Baby Jesus dolls would get stolen -- and replaced with some other kind of doll.

Not baby dolls. Everything BUT baby dolls. A Porky Pig doll, a Bugs Bunny doll, a Frankenstein doll, an ALF doll, you name it. They were also doing strange shit with the other figures, too. Put a Darth Vader helmet on Joseph, sombreros and sunglasses on the Wise Men, and an inflatable blowup doll (clothed) riding on the donkey in the manger.

They never DAMAGED any of the nativity scenes, but it was hard to figure out what the hell they were trying to say. ??? ???

No, I had nothing to do with it, and I had no clue who did. But it was pretty strange. :

 

I'm trying not to laugh because I'm afraid that I'll collapse a lung if I give in. That whole donkey/blow-up doll combination might be the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Thanks for that.

 

Yeah, somewhere in my stockpile of old junk from my old desks I never threw out, there's a picture of Mary and Joseph gazing lovingly down on the newborn babe, ALF.

There was an epilogue to the whole deal: A few days before Christmas, the stolen Baby Jesuses began showing up on the police department doorsteps. Uhhhhh... whatever. : :

 

Dear Lord baby Jesus, we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell.

 

Ricky Bobby: Dear tiny infant Jesus...
Carley Bobby: Hey, um... you know sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby.
Ricky Bobby: Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whatever you want.

"I wanna thank little baby Jesus, who's sittin' in his crib watchin the Baby Einstein videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors."

Ricky Bobby: Dear 8 pounds 6 ounces baby Jesus, new born, not even spoken a word yet.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I had a dream where Jesus was a dirty old bum, and I was about to sock him in the face because, well he's a dirty old bum, but then I thought, theres something special about him...
Ricky Bobby: Because it was Jesus, right...
Cal Naughton, Jr.: Yeah...

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-Shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party.

Cal Naughton, Jr.: I like to think of Jesus like with giant eagles wings, and singin' lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an angel band and I'm in the front row and I'm hammered drunk!"

 

Did I just hallucinate that story or is it really posted here?

 

I still miss Big Baby Jesus. RIP.

 

Not a hallucination. Just a little mention of people forgetting the most important part of Christmas while trying to make sure that the public doesn't forget the most important part of Christmas.

But, by all means, don't quit taking drugs, Bubbleboy.