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The story

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by m2spts, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. m2spts

    m2spts Member

    Story deleted upon request.
  2. Five commas in the second sentence. That's a lot. Read that out loud to yourself and you'll see what I mean.

    You've also got a lot of passive sentences in the first half of the story. Try more active sentences starting with subject-verb agreements.
  3. m2spts

    m2spts Member

    I didn't write this ... a few of us have become less than enamored at the writing of this publication ... one among our group is using it in presentations about sports writing. Specifically, how not to write.
  4. OK
  5. dawgpounddiehard

    dawgpounddiehard Active Member

    Dude, post stuff you wrote. That's pretty shitty posting someone else's work. That's not the reason behind this board...
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