The owner of the Pittsburgh Pirates

... is a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit.

 

... believes the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap.

 

... could STILL write for the Plain Dealer, dammit.

 

...might like you better if you slept together

 

... knows what boys like.

 

... thinks Stacy's mom has got it going on.

 

...is trying to tempt me because I come from the land of plenty

 

... wants Eileen to come on.

 

...just spent six months in a leaky boat

 

... would like you to please put some pants on and feels weird having to ask you twice

 

...shook me all night long.

 

... considers himself a bit of a loner. He tends to think of himself as a one-man wolf pack