The owner of the Pittsburgh Pirates

... thinks Roberto Clemente got to 3,000 hits and just quit

 

...has a Topps owners card that you'll get 50 of before you get one Artie Moreno.

 

...ain't gonna play Sun City.

 

...can only orgasm when fantasizing about Andy Van Slyke.

 

... doesn't know what to do on Talk Like A Pirate Day.

 

...likes to get in a hot tub with Orville Redenbacher.

 

...once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die.

 

...is living in a material world, and he is a material girl.

 

... can dance if he wants to

 

... is too sexy for his cat. What you think about that?

 

...is a rambln' wreck from Georgia Tech.

 

Better than Enrique Romo