The Hollywood Blows Thread: Movies on Cable to Avoid

So DirecTV can't provide the Pac-12 Network, but we do get an HBO free preview every so often. The lovely wife had control of the remote the other night we stumbled upon "The Change-Up," starring Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. It's a buddy comedy with a "Parent Trap" twist, where a ladies' man (Reynolds) switches identities with his family man best pal (Bateman). Oh, it gets worse. :

Within five minutes or so we saw:

- Leslie Mann, after winking at the camera naked in slo-mo to the tune of Warrant's "Cherry Pie", is shown shitting on the toilet - complete with splashing water sound effects - and complaining about "too much Tai Food"

- A pregnant (otherwise hot) blonde, entering Reynolds' apartment, wearing a fur coat. By this point he's assumed his married guy friend's identity, and this is supposedly the first sexual encounter in his new role. She disrobes, revealing undies, go-go boots -- and a pregnant belly well into its third trimester. His conscience keeps him from going through with it, much to the hottie's shock and chagrin. We learn that the pair met at a "single moms Lamaze class."

- CGI-esque special effects, depicting a toddler tossing a meat cleaver - with the coordination of Oddjob from "Goldfinger" - at the Bateman character before said knife sticks to the wall. These cartoon-inspired hijinks ensue when Bateman - now with the mind of the bachelor - haphazzardly brings his twin sons to the kitchen for their 3 a.m. feeding. They're old enough to walk and look about 18 months old, but we still need an excuse to see a fridge full of Leslie Mann's breast milk.

Fucking Hollywood. HBO and Showtime continue to show these shitty, worthless movies on a continuous loop. This is just one of a seemingly endless list of examples. I know there's more, so feel free to grow this list. Consider these PSA's for you and your valuable TV time.

 

This validates the movie and invalidates everything else you wrote.

 

"The Change-Up" is the worst movie I've seen in probably five years. Absolutely brutal.

 

It's no surprise that I'm here with this: Olivia Wilde makes it watchable ... even if she hadn't also disrobed. But she did. OH MY!!!

 

I have Dish and they have the Epix Drive-In channel. Kind of kicks ass. Almost entirely grindhouse horror, kung fu and blaxplotiation movies from the 60s and 70s. Mostly horrible movies, but entertainingly so.

Watched TNT Jackson last night. It was mostly awful, but Stan Shaw did do a really good job as the baddie. And it had a topless kung-fu fight.

Only in the 70s.

 

I loved the Change-Up... Absolutely laughed my ass off...