The engagement ring --- an "outmoded commodity?"

I've always felt the ring was given in love, and when divorce occurs; both ought to return to the giver what was given. Women don't like this because of their love for jewelry, but hey, remember what it was for in the first place.

Exceptions to the rule: You have a daughter or son, you give it to them to keep or in the case of the son, to maybe give as a ring to his future.

 

OK, now THAT'S low.
And I'm sorry I didn't think of it first.

 

I bought what I could afford, the wife loves it. I bought it because a) I wanted to and b) I knew she wanted one and c) I love the girl.

As for me getting an engagement ring? No thanks. I can barely get comfy wearing my wedding band (forgot to put it on one day on the honeymoon, in fact. I left it in the hotel room). The only piece of "jewerly" I owned previously to the wedding band is a watch I got in Grade 9, and I still wear it today and I'm 31.

 

I can sell a line of b.s., but there's no way I could have ever sold the line of b.s. to the future Mrs. HH that my not giving her an engagement ring was somehow preserving our gender equity or somesuch.

For us, with years of history leading us to the point where we would even consider getting married, the ring signified my seriousness about the potential of the relationship. Or so it seems to me. And I think the Mrs. would probably agree with that ... she was skeptical that I was ever going to do the right thing until I handed her that diamond.

 

This author is in the process of getting married and has written a few articles on it. She's trying to reconcile her knowledge of things like blood diamonds (a large reason for the DeBeers hatred) and harmful gender bias against the Wedding Industry and cultural traditions. Maybe not written well, but I think the topic is important.

The Wedding Industry sells fantasy, to the tune of nearly $28,000 for the average wedding. And it's one giant "keep up with the Joneses" competition. They specifically sell this fantasy to women, who have had the Cinderella wedding fantasy injected into their heads since preschool.

Engagement rings are just the first step in the process. Sure, some couples get one out of tradition or because they feel they want one. Fine. But telling a guy how much he should spend, making it a competition among men and women alike, judging carat size in direct proportion to his love, etc. etc. is a destructive game. I know women who are so demanding they will dump a guy if he doesn't give her the exact ring she requests. That's not love, that's consumerism.

That's the biggest argument against the Wedding Industry: Prove your love through retail.

A lot of people don't stop to consider why they are spending what they are on weddings. "That's tradition" or "that's how it's always been done" are the typical reasons. If that's the case, we'd still have slavery in this country. People should focus on what they want, without a copy of InStyle Weddings in front of them.

 

i love you cadet

 

If you wanna get married you'll have to buy me a two carat, emerald cut diamond on a four-prong platinum band from Tiffany's.

 

i see how it is, all talk...

women...

 

A-fucking-men!

I can honestly say that my bride and I never felt compelled to spend ever higher on an engagement ring or our wedding. We picked out the ring together, and we got the one that resonated with both of us. We could have spent more. We could have spent less.

The wedding itself was very downhome and simple. Aunts and mothers and grandmas made a potluck for the rehearsal dinner. A friend's band played at the wedding dance. My bride made the jewelry for her attendants. The guys and I played a round of golf the day before.

Our mantra was: "We're not doing this for the wedding day, we're doing it for every day after." You've gotta be in touch with what your hopes and aspirations are. Some people dream of a spectacular wedding. Me, I dream of a spectacular marriage.

 

Amen back at ya! A lot of people plan for the wedding but not for the marriage. That's why there are entire web forums devoted to the "post wedding blues" - what to do when you can't spend any more money and the attention is not on you. Sadly, many people cure that need for attention by having a baby.

 

Me too

 

Considering how much money I was making when I proposed, you could argue that I spent way to much on my wife's engagement ring. I never buy her jewelry or diamonds for gifts because she has pretty much said that we have better ways to spend our money.

When I see the high cost of weddings, it makes me glad I have two boys.