The Creation Science Fair

Someone sent me this link. It's old, but still pretty funny (and scary that it's real):

http://objectiveministries.org/creation/sciencefair.html

Elementary School Level

Cassidy Turnbull and her uncle, Steve, who is not a monkey according to Cassidy's research. 1st Place: "My Uncle Is A Man Named Steve (Not A Monkey)"
Cassidy Turnbull (grade 5) presented her uncle, Steve. She also showed photographs of monkeys and invited fairgoers to note the differences between her uncle and the monkeys. She tried to feed her uncle bananas, but he declined to eat them. Cassidy has conclusively shown that her uncle is no monkey.

 

2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"

Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

 

Honorable mention, elementary school division: "Pokemon Prove Evolutionism Is False" - Paul Sanborn (grade 4)

I weep for the future.

 

Wow. I thought Waylon's post was a joke until I clicked on that link.

 

That Pokemon one reminds me of a comparison that would most likely be anathema to most creationists: PCU. "You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit."

 

Here's the picture of her uncle Steve. You can, in fact, clearly see that he is no monkey. Creationism wins!

 

Please, someone, tell me this is an elaborate spoof.
Please?

 

Sweet jeebus.

 

"... physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets ..."

;D

 

Ditto.
Egads.
But this fair was in 2001. I'm sure they've come quite far since then.

 

No, certainly not a monkey. He does, however, look like a jackass.

 

You're all a bunch of bigoted anti-Christian, haters. I'll say a prayer tonight for all of you non-monkeys.