The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks

Sounds like it's time for a DNA test.

 

If it were true, that's probably the worst way ever to let a child know he/she is adopted. Other than, of course, laughing and pointing, going "Oh, bitch, you're not my real son! Tell me how my ass tastes."

 

True story: When I was a kid, I found adoption papers in with my birth certificate. Turns out my parents had all but given up on conceiving and were filling out the forms when my mom got pregnant. For some reason they both ended up in the same file folder and it freaked me the fuck out when I found it. Not my dad's best filing choice.

 

Jesus, that's gotta be frightening. My sister always thought she was adopted because she looks nothing like anyone in the family except, strangely, the wife of an uncle. No rogue adoption papers filed away anywhere, though.

 

Gets "me" every time.

 

"Awesome"

 

Hey, it's the only thing I do well. Other than eat an orange, of course. I am unmatched there.

 

That's a bold statement. I know of some badass orange eaters. No way you compare to Jimmy "The Rind" McNamara or Jim "Vitamin C" Cavalerro.

 

"But, I'm quoting myself."

 

I rarely have to make more than one tear in the peal. And I don't have to swallow the pieces, though I do because what's the point of eating an orange without grabbing the citrus taste?

I compare. I compare favorably.

 

"I can't believe it. He fell for that story."

 

At least my parents wanted me.