Survival Tip of the Day: How to open a bottle of beer with a $20 bill

And they say great journalism is dead.

 

I use the underside of my forearm on the really tricky cases.

 

I use the hem of my shirt. Sheesh.

 

Yo da man! ;D

 

Find a fence post, for fuck's sake.

Or a Bic lighter.

 

My buddy used to use his cell phone.
Then he broke one.
And cracked another.
And another.
He calls them his "disposable Razrs"

 

Razrs are disposable anyway. I went through 3 in 18 months, and I wasn't using them to open bottles.

 

No kidding. And this only days after the Star announced a forthcoming "major restructuring" throughout its empire.

http://www.thestar.com/business/article/720595--star-announces-major-restructuring

The Toronto Star has launched what its publisher is saying will likely be the biggest restructuring in the newspaper's history by offering voluntary buyouts to employees in all divisions of the company.

John Cruickshank told employees in a memo Tuesday that the broad reworking of the company "will affect every job in every corner of the organization" and could include layoffs.

He also said that Canada's largest circulation daily paper is also exploring the possibility of contracting out some work in both copy editing and pagination work. The plans could expand to include editorial content and other production, he added.

"We must find the best way to operate our business at the lowest possible cost, including contracting out non core functions where there is a sound business case to do so," he wrote in the memo.

"This will involve what is likely to be the biggest restructuring of the Star's workforce in its history."

But hey, let's waste dwindling resources on a cheesy demonstration of how to open a twist-top beer bottle cap without twisting off the cap (and spilling part of the fucking beer in the process). There's intelligence for you. :

 

When I click on "Patience" it brings me to a page that says "Bad Request." Is this a broken link or a clever joke?