Sure signs your company's f'ed

Easy fix: Pull the Glock 9mm out of your backpack and shoot off the lock with a goofy half-smile on your face. Make sure that's done in plain view of management.

 

DAMNIT Chloe I'm RUNNING OUT OF INK!!!

 

Man, Dan, you have just been nailing the shit out of the ball the last few weeks.

 

The owner of the paper's wife ... wait, um, OK, the paper has an owner. Said owner is/was married. To a wife (not to the paper - that was just an unfounded rumor). Said wife quit. Took front office with her - not her husband. Wait, um, Who's on first again?

 

Well done, all.

 

After promoting you, the first act of the publisher is to cut your staff 30 percent.

But his hottie wife offers to fuck you.

 

31. You fantasize about the publisher's hottie wife offering to fuck you when you're told that your staff is getting cut 30 percent.

 

Same thing happens here. What makes it even better is we're in an old bank building. The supplies are in a vault.

 

32. New advertising people are hired about once every six weeks because old ones quit when they realize that being paid entirely in commission isn't going to cut it when advertisers don't want to advertise in a shitty economy.

 

Not to nitpick, but if you're fantasizing about fucking the publisher's hottie wife, shouldn't your staff rise 30 percent or so? Technically speaking?

 

Damn. Solid.

Touche.

 

Your publisher's idea of a good use of money is to buy blaze orange vests for the news staff, "You know, to wear when you're covering an accident, or something."

As though the camera and notepad don't give us away, slappy?

Meanwhile, we've been out of reporters notebooks for a month.