Sudden Onset Depression

I don't think I'm talking about manic depression or bi-polar. I'm talking about things are going a bit bad lately and all of the sudden you get the pull-your-hair-out, slash-your-wrist-a-dozen-times doldrums.

And then you'll be fine again for months.

Right now I'm freaked out about money. I mean full-blown obsession. I'm counting every penny, making lists upon lists trying to borrow cash to pay bills a little early (I pay it back on Fridays). The funny thing is, I have a little nest egg, plus parents that could always bail me out but I still worry constantly.

But I'm losing sleep, my brain can't slow down and I'm jumpy all the time.

Dr. J and I got into a fight tonight -- and of course it was about money and my obsession with it. I'm even starting to obsess about our new house. We could afford it right now, but for reasons I can't go into we can't get a loan. It's my grandparents house so its not going anywhere.

Purchasing is at least six months away but I'm already making lists upon lists of stuff I want or need. I'm planning hors d'vours (sp? ;D) for the housewarming party.

When I was younger I suffered from severe panic disorder and a touch of OCD. I think the panic disorder is manifesting itself as OCD now. It's a shame since I'm were I never thought I'd be 10 years ago. I have a college degree, full-time job, husband and I'm even starting to clean house (I still fear germs but I'm doing a lot better).

I guess I could some my present thinking this way. My mind is like a TETRIS game. It's constantly trying to put the pieces together as neatly (or efficiently) as possible, whether it be cleaning, money management or even running errands.

This may have gotten way to personal and I may not post on this thread again until I've had time to cool down, but thanks for listening.

 

(paging some idiot to say This thread will not end well in 3, 2, 1...)

Dude, we all get stressed. But you need to take some of that nest egg of yours and go talk to a professional once a week. Just go, sit, stare at Dr. Melfi's legs and chat. Take the damn edge off.

 

I think I'm going to do that in a few weeks when my new insurance kicks in.

He's a really good guy and I think I'm going to concentrate a lot on meditation.

I think when I get my brain to slow down I'll be fine.

 

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. Money's always been a big isssue with me, and I'm constantly wondering if I'll have enough money to retire. But, ultimately, it's better to obsess a little than to ignore it altogether. Money is a HUGE issue, maybe the biggest, in most relationships, so you can't let it overwhelm you. On the other hand, any couple has to be aware of their financial present AND future. Hopefully, both of you understand the importance of living for today with an eye on the tomorrow. And don't be afraid to be content. If you've succeeded to the extent you mentioned, be willing to let yourself enjoy it.

 

Seriously, take little seriously. It'll help.

 

While I respect BigDog's advice to take things less seriously, I understand it's not always that easy.

I can completely relate to the feeling that everything in your head is spinning out and you can't make it stop.

Try to remember that you've been here before and made it through.

 

No one on this board would ever say something stupid like that, would they?


Seriously, fj, take a step back and relax a bit. It may be hard to do, but when you feel the obsession with bills/money coming on, force yourself to drop what you're doing, go outside and take a long walk to clear the head.

Maybe before bed, do something fun like play a video game or something to clear your mind and hopefully you're able to sleep better then.

 

Thanks Hank, I think playing Tiger Woods on Tuesday will help.

Tuesday is my day off, so that helps. But work is another think I obsess over. I have two jobs, but when I have a day off from one I'm constantly obsessing about the money I'd be making from the other.

The funny thing is that I have enough to cover all my expenses except medical, which is pretty good from the financial state I've been in in the past. I really don't have to worry that much about paying my bills. I have enough in the bank where I can cover missing even a week from work.

I really want to start saving money though, and that's where I freak out. It's really funny because I'm in a finacial situation where I can finally start a 401K, vacation and Christmas fund.

The more I think about it, people are a lot worse off than me. I just need to bide my time and not waste my money.

 

Farmer J, it doesn't sound like this is about money. Money is just the topic upon which your problem is manifesting itself. It sounds like the same chemical imbalances that you dealt with as a kid are coming back.

Thing is, it can come back any time, in any circumstances. If you have a major tragedy or "happy life" with the husband, house, job, etc. It's not about that. It's organic.

Please visit not only a therapist but a medical doctor when your insurance kicks in. A short duration of medication could help take the edge off.

 

Medical doctor should be the first stop. Thyroid can manifest itself sometimes with panic-related symptoms.

I went through an OCD phase in the early 1980s, when I was in my 20s.

Then, panic attacks so bad that I nearly had to abandon leaving the house in the early 90s.

Underlying all of that is depression, though. It can be managed, but you have to make the effort.

And under the circumstances that can be very difficult.

 

Taking the edge off would be nice. Luckily, I have prescription sleeping pills that will do that tonight.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone, and if anyone else has the same problem I'm sure that board would love to help out.

I think its good that we have these mental health threads once in a while. It helps us all vent and not feel like we're all alone with our own problems.

I'm going to sign off for tonight and watch some TV to relax.

 

Lord help me, but I agree with Big Dog.

Talk to a therapist.

It's easy for someone who doesn't suffer from SOD to say, "Don't think about it." As if you hadn't thought of that.

More than reading or laying in bed or playing video games, all of which are short-term fixes, talk to a doctor who can help.

And, if you ever need to talk, PM me...