Someone stole my garbage

I put my trash out on the curb before bed last night, like I always do. When I came out to go to work this morning, though, there was a bag missing. It hadn't been picked up by the garbage truck -- I had set out another small bag and a box, and neither was disturbed; no one else's garbage seemed to be gone, either. And I didn't see it in the road or scattered everywhere, so it wasn't blown around by the wind or ripped open by an animal. It was just gone.
I'm certain there were no bills or anything in the bag (everything is either shredded or saved), so I assume the risk of identity theft is low. This is creeping me out, though. It almost seems like we were singled out. And who the fuck steals a bag of trash, anyway?

 

Homeland Security is investigating you.

 

Have you seen Chris Hanson lately?

 

They want a sample of your DNA to frame with a heinous crime.

 

Seriously, though, this is why you should shred documents containing personal info before you trash them. It might be an attempt to cash in on identity theft, and if so you probably weren't the only one targeted.

 

I shred all documents - including envelopes that have my name and address printed on them - and toss them in with the recycling.

 

Dude, I welcome anyone to steal my identity. Good luck getting a credit card, looser!

 

I woke up this morning to the sound of someone digging through my recycling bag of bottles and cans to get the aluminum. Said person then got into a vehicle that was still running, and I'm thinking, with gas as high as it is, how can it be cost-effective to drive around town looking for aluminum to recycle?

Anyway, next time I'm separating the cans and bottles. Might as well make it easy for them and let me stay asleep.

 

Put them in a grocery bag. We like it better that way.

 

My alley rats prefer that, too. Of course, I'm the bitchy that buries them deepest into the big recycling bin so that it's not worth their time and effort. Maybe I should leave them apart and start attaching job applications to them.

 

Are you calling me an alley rat?