So, my toilet is clogged ...

On the list of Bad Things To Do At SportsJournalists.com, I think calling a moderator an assfuck ranks no. 2 or no. 3.

 

This should end rather quickly.

 

Nope, never clogged a toilet before, at least not with my shit. There may have been a time or two as a kid when I used way too much toilet paper. But it wasn't really my problem to deal with then.

This time, the toilet was used once, for the old No. 1, after a week's hiatus and it started acting like a little bitch.

 

I have never liked you, so that's where my animosity comes from. But seriously, we have threads about obscure actresses making cameos on Saved by the Bell, assfucking, misguided attempts at self-surgery and repeats of the same threads every six months, but I can't ask a serious question about something I've never dealt with before?

Yeah, it's a clogged toilet, which can be funny and gross and whatever, but it's a fucking problem and one that could go unresolved until monday when I can talk to the maintenance people for my apartment. I'm not really interested in shitting in a plastic bag for three days, so I was wondering if there was anything else I could do.

 

I took the greatest, most rancid shit of my life at a friend's house during prom weekend. I told the story a few months ago. Good times. It made me a legend in my own time. At least til three weeks later, when we all graduated and everyone forgot about me.

 

Are you using the old-school plunger? There are much better-designed ones now.

And, no doubt, unless you've shit concrete into the bowl a toilet snake will do 'er.

 

Just don't start a thread about Zack's toilet being clogged as he cuts off his own toe.

 

Good. Now that you're done with your wife, go do something about the 5-pound block of shit sitting in your toilet.

 

Wife? How dare you insult me like that! I may not know how to clear a toilet, but I sure as hell have enough sense to never get married.

 

Sorry. Sister?