So, I get a call from the school...

RJ, probably should familiarize yourself with how to get to NORAD in a few years....

 

I'm not escalating anything. I'm on great terms with the principal.

I don't think the VP cares that I laughed at the initial call. I think she wants to make it look like what my kid did was more complicated than it actually was.

"Oh, his dad is a manager for a tech company (true), I'm sure he taught him how to do this..."

Which is all bullshit... If my oldest is online, he's playing minecraft or Sporcle.

 

My wife and I were making "JOSHUA" jokes yesterday.

 

I can piss on a spark plug if that'll do any good.

 

That is awesome.

 

If they continue to escalate it, tell them that, as an IT professional, you will be making your concerns over the safety of their system public, at the next board meeting.

That'll scare them, especially if a reporter attends it.

 

After you deal with the VP, try to get your kid an audition for "Scorpion."

 

My wife told me I said, "You do realize we're talking about an 8-year-old?" five times during my call with the VP.

 

When I was in third grade, we had a grade-wide project where we were supposed to write a message, tie it to a balloon, and then we'd all go into the school yard and release the balloons. The teachers said they wanted us to think hard about what we'd like our message to say, so that when someone found it after the balloon lost its helium, they'd know a third grade kid was thinking of them.

OK, I thought. If someone finds my balloon, I want them to read: "Hello there, fat ass."

Another kid told the principal what I'd written as we were releasing the balloons, and the principal called my mother to tell her how awful I was.

She told me later, she was laughing so hard, she too had tears in her eyes.

Moral here: Kids are awesome.

 

When I was in kindergarten, in the middle of winter, the fire alarm went off. The teacher trundled us out of the classroom, with no coats (I remember it was really cold and there was a lot of snow on the ground). The fire department came and after a few minutes, gave the all-clear and we went back into school. My mom found out from my teacher that the alarm had been pulled by a first grader who had just learned how to read. In a "Eureka!" moment, the first grader just did what the pretty red fire alarm box on the wall said: Pull.

 

In the beginning of second grade, this would be the fall of 1965, our teacher, Mrs. Sterenberg, asked everyone to draw four leaves on a piece of construction paper divided into four spaces, color them with crayons and cut them out. She wanted to hang them as autumn decorations on the panels of the big casement windows in the classroom. My leaves came out nicer than most, so needing to fill up some more window panels, Mrs. Sterenberg asked me to do another sheet. Faced with being asked to to do "extra work" as I saw it, I colored all of the leaves black. I was sent to the school psychologist.

 

Boy, this is good. Explains a lot!
jk
For the record, no one has every forcibly sent me to a psychologist. Surprise, surprise.