"Sloppy Seconds" - What's the worst an ex (or current) has said about you?

Would they be ice-rink Annies?

 

I've heard the first two of those.

 

I thought being called a flake was bad. You guys definitely win.

 

"He's cheap." "He won't put out." Those are the two I heard in my last relationship.

Of course, the fact that she was the wrong gender had something to do with the latter one.

 

So at the last paper I worked at, we had an anonymous call-in line where people could make random comments about whatever they wanted.

I started having to read it before it went to the copy-editors every day because someone...and I'm not really sure who, but it was someone who had a vendetta against me, that's for sure. And I didn't exactly make too many enemies while I was there. But there were several incredibly cutting, libelous comments called in in the months after my break-up, similar to this (with my FULL NAME in the quote...so there was no question that it was about me):

"My roommate called me ugly, and I replied, 'Why'd you have to bring [Wenders] into this?'"

The one friend I still had in common with him was online that night, and I told him that he should tell my ex to cut it the fuck out, because the next time, I wasn't going to stop my friend's boyfriend and his two friends (all of whom were bouncers) from coming after him.

Suddenly, the shit stopped.

That would be the parting shot in my last relationship. When that came out, I believe the words FUCK YOU were said into the phone, followed by me hanging up and not answering when he called me back three times.

 

I dated a girl for six years in my early to mid 20s. Bad breakup -- it was mostly a long distance relationship and she broke up with me within weeks of her relocating to my city. We finally get together a couple of months later to have a post-breakup talk. I'm ready to have this heavy, deeply emotional discussion and one of the first things out of her mouth was: "Webster, if I were you, I wouldn't eat popcorn or chicken wings in front of a date. You eat like an animal." The rant went on for about 5 minutes.

 

Funniest line a girl ever told me -- and this was a year-plus into our relationship, when we were really struggling to pay bills because she couldn't get a steady job after having moved away from her hometown for me and I was, you know, a sports writer at a 21K paper:

"Don't you even think about ever proposing to me unless you're making like $75,000 a year."

I laughed. She meant it.

Yeah, that didn't last.

 

I had a girlfriend tell me I drink too much, and later, after I cut back on the drinking, she told me I was boring when I was sober.
But overall the breakup was amicable. We even renewed the relationship a couple of times.
My breakups are always amicable. I wouldn't date someone who doesn't break up well.

 

"You're hung like a three-year old."

Well, not really. But I've been told to "grow the fuck up" more than I can count.

 

Trey, what IJAG told you five minutes ago doesn't count.

 

Dammit. I got nothin' then.

 

"I wish I would have hit you harder."