SJ.commers: What Would You Do?

Alma, that's a beautiful thought, and the highest of high roads. But too many cases, you're just enabling the borrower to act irresponsibly. They create these elaborate houses of cards, borrow-spend-borrow-spend, convincing themselves they'll turn it around 'this time.' It's like a gambling addiction...they have to want help before you can really extend it.

If his sister has a serious problem, she needs to say to him, 'Look, I'm in serious financial trouble, because of abcd, I know I'm letting you down, I'm going to make every effort to make this right.'' Who of us wouldn't understand that?

 

Your sister? I don't know how much help I could be since I'm an only child.

But I'd think you'd have a sense if your sister is irresponsible with money. If it were me, there's no way I'd lend her the money knowing that. Unless my dad cornered me and ORDERED me to lend it. And if I weren't living under his roof, I'd tell him to kiss my ass.

 

Couldn't agree more.
I have a lot of experience with this and for some reason I'm the one who is made to feel guilty for wanting my money back. I think the advice Ragu gave is spot on. If anybody is to feel guilt it should be the person who owes you the money.

 

I don't hold my opinion for the sake of altruism; rather, I believe it's a practical approach.

Expecting money back from someone who doesn't have any is quainter belief, as you're presuming you can "relentlessly" pressure someone into fulfilling a money debt. Generally, such pressure only worsens the relationship, as the borrower tries on classic "do you not want me to eat?" excuses as a means of confronting the applied guilt.

Such situations are almost always a war of commitment - how committed is Person A to getting their money back vs. the commitment of Person B not to pay it. Usually, Person B, determined to win at all costs, has to be taken to court. Person A then has decide if the loss was such an affront that a lawsuit is worth it. And if a lawsuit is worth it, Person A has to honestly ask himself/herself: <i> Why in the world did I loan this money, if I was so personally attached to its value that I was willing to go to court to get it back?</i>"

And if one does win the court case, well, then they could look forward to garnishing the wages of their kin to recoup the lost money.

That's a picture of relentless pressure. I've seen it happen with a friend and a member of his family. The debt split the family apart; people chose sides, made accusations, etc. Ugly.

At that point, the fabric is ripped. Does it matter, practically, who began the tear?

 

I wish I was in a position to just forgive it, even though it wouldn't have been the first time. And, yes, I knew it was a bad loan... but it's never been this much, and I've never been in this position (jobless) before. Simply, I was guilted into loaning her the money, and had a promise that I'd have it back in two weeks. Now, the first inkling that something was up was when she said I could give her my bank account number and she'd just deposit straight to my account. Thankfully, I nixed that or there's no telling what kind of mess we'd have right now.

Now, an update: I called, got her on the line. When I said I wanted to talk about the money, she got really quiet. Didn't answer questions, then said she'll have to call me tonight (after work).

I'm not feeling good about this. At. All.

 

Who guilted you into it? I'd be damn sure they knew what was going on if it was someone other than her

 

Well, good luck with all this. I hope it doesn't turn into a harsh lesson learned.

 

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like you're going to get a snow job. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Killick. . .

In the words of the immortal Donald Rumsfeld, "Never lend money to family."

Since you and I have had discussions before on this topic, is this the same sister who has repeatedly borrowed from you only to come down with selective Alzheimer's (she forgot only that she borrowed the money) weeks later? If so, then you are a fool for lending her any more money.

If she is indeed a high-ranking faculty member, then she is easily making more coin than you do, especially since your wonderful publishers decided to pull the plug on your paper months ago. It took a pretty big set of balls for your sister to even ask you for a dollar, let alone two grand, considering your current employment situation.

Call her out, then bitch her out and demand the money back. If you need a battle plan, give old Donald a call.

 

... and one of my oldest friends gets a chuckle out of me by playing the oft-regaled Rumsfeld card. thanks, snickers. and, yes, i'm a fool. no argument there.

 

Killick -- I might have missed it, but are your parents still alive?
Any chance you could go to them, tell them you lent sis the money, she's stiffing you and now you need the money. Have your parents give you the money and let them deal with getting the money from her?