Signs Your Company Is Planning A Layoff

This was included at the bottom of our daily interoffice critique.

Yes, we're facing layoffs here, like everywhere else in Gannettland. But, hey, sometimes you've got to laugh (or at least try) to keep from crying:

SIGNS YOUR COMPANY IS PLANNING A LAYOFF
- The CEO is frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe."

- Dr. Kevorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."

- Mac shutdown screen reads, "It's Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."

- Company softball team down-sized to chess team.

- Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.

- Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."

- Company president now driving a Yugo.

- Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.

- Old Milwaukee is beer of choice at company picnics.

- Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.

- Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

- Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.

- Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Outlet.

- Company dental plan now consists of pliers and string.


And here's one from yours truly:

- Your CEO goes on medical leave with a back condition.

 

You have to put in a quarter to open the bathroom stall door.

 

The number one sign your company is planning layoffs.....

They deny that they're planning layoffs.

 

It publishes a newspaper.

 

Its name rhymes with "Schminett"

 

It's 2009.

 

The first rule of Fight Club ...

 

You show up at work and the employee entrance is chained and padlocked.

 

You have to take a week-long furlough in Quarter 1 and Quarter 2.

 

You get a call on your off-day to come in and have a talk with someone in HR.

 

You keep hearing about the money the company is saving by not hiring a replacement for the managing editor it fired in late February.