Should marriage be monogamous?

Mixed doubles!

 

Yes. Simply yes.
Marriage is what it is. it's supposed to be a life-long commitment. If you can't abide by that don't do it. Don't.
There's a lot to be said about communication between couples and discovering what you want in and out of a marriage. Pre Cana classes and marriage retreat weekends help flesh some of this out.
And yeah 5, 7, 10, 15, 20 years in things change and people grow apart and yadda, yadda, yadda ... which again goes back to the need for communication with your spouse.. But a hall pass or a free weekend? Get the fuck out of here.
I guess it's a nice thing to think about, but in reality? At the end of the day - using a hall pass - is telling your spouse in no uncertain terms you aren't measuring up and I need more of what you can't or are unwilling to provide.
I don't think there's anything wrong with communicating that - but acting on it? No.
You're supposed to be an adult. Mature.
Cheating on your spouse - hall pass or no - is bullshit.

I have friends who are or were in miserable marriages. I have no sympathy for them. They made the choice. And I have no respect for those who stray. I place a very high value on Loyalty.

My two cents anyway

 

Regarding YF's wife: No. Please?

 

How many marriages end in divorce?

Half. Case-closed.

 

OK, I'll bite.

This closes the case how?

 

But I woiuld venture to say that less than half of that half go wrong because of infidelity. So many other reasons: Abuse, one partner becoming an addict, death of a child, mental illness, conflicting goals, and so on.

 

Don't most studies say money is the overwhelming #1 reason?

 

I think there is a lot to be said for getting whatever you need to get out of your system when you're single. I know a lot of people who have been complete hounds when they were single who became as loyal as one could be as soon as they met the woman they wound up marrying.

I think there are a lot of people who get married young and this becomes a bigger issue for them.

And to risk sounding too much like a traditionalist, but hell yes it should be monogamous. If you don't think you can be monogamous, then don't get married.

 

Oh, and money. :-[

 

Marriage and relationships in general are probably the primary area where the line "the more I learn, the less I know" applies. Ten or fifteen years ago I was a hard-liner just like what Evil Reddenbacher is saying. I'd still describe my marriage that way, but I've seen too many families that work in all different ways to think there is a 100 percent guaranteed solution.

But it is definitely out there. I'd even say weird, and if I'm being judgmental, then so be it. I wouldn't go so far as to say "wrong," though.

 

As I posted earlier, was marriage traditionally based on monogamy, at least for upper class men? I don't know how many poor or even middle-class shopkeepers had a mistress, but it seems as if it was more common than not for rich men to not be monogamous.

 

I just don't think we are meant to be monogamous. Marriage seems kinda outdated to me. Granted I have no examples in my day to day life of people who are happy in their marriage. All the guys I work with bitch about their wives, my mom and dad divorced when I was four, my grandparents hated each other. My brother claims to love his wife, but they argue quite a bit.

People say "marriage is forever" no, it's not. It's until you get sick of the other person.

Shit, my own mom once told me "all marriage means is that if one person wants it to end, the other may get something in return."