Sharks! Swim for your life!

I turned on CNN for the first time in weeks. The first story I see is a "breaking news" story. A cameraman is filming a shark in the water of Fort Lauderdale's coast. I figure a giant shark ate a family of four. Reality? Well, there's a shark in the water. That's it. There's a shark in the water, and they decided to close the beach because, you know, sharks eat people. If this is news, wait until the find out about bears and alligators and mountain lions, etc.

 

Nothing new about closing a part of the beach when a shark is spotted. But it ain't news until it at least takes a bite out of someone's surfboard.

 

Beats another car chase on the 101, I suppose.

 

The key phrase here is "cameraman is filming." It's television. If there's footage, it's news.

 

It looked like a damn big shark. I was in the water on Saturday, though, and I went in knowing there were sharks in the water. Someone is nipped once or twice a week this time of year. But 1 out of 20,000 is pretty good odds, and the attacks are usually just on the legs or feet.

 

My wife and I last night had to instruct my kids -- who are collectively going through a MAJOR shark phase right now (right down to petting sharks at the Indianapolis Zoo) -- that next time we're at the ocean, DON'T play "pretend there's a shark in the water." Specifically, we had to tell our 5-year-old son that even if a whale shark would never bite a human, that subtlety would be lost on the masses ape-shitting their way out of the water.

 

I blame the Fonz.

 

Now that would be worth filming.

Keep us posted on your next planned trip to the ocean.

 

NO I CAN'T STOP YELLING, THAT'S HOW I TALK. YOU AIN'T NEVER SEEN ONE OF MY MOVIES? DEEP BLUE SEA, MOTHFUCKER! THEY ATE ME! A FUCKING SHARK ATE ME!!!!!!

 

Car chases on the LA freeways are so 1994. Call me when CHP is chasing a shark on the 101.

 

I resent that!

 

Don't you worry about your
day-glow orange life preserver
It won't save you,
It won't save you,
Swim for the shore
just as fast as your are able
Swim ...
Swim like a motherfucker

Sharks patrol these waters