Sh*t my kid says

One day I was standing on one side of the room while my daughter, then about 2 or 3, reached for a Barney or Blue's Clues tape from a stack of them on a shelf she could reach. The one she wanted was the second from the top, so of course the one on top slip down and bonked her on top of the head.

Not hard enough to really hurt her, but hard enough for her to say, "Dammit!" in just the right context.

I quickly left the room so I wouldn't laugh in front of her. BTW, she got that from her mom.

Those were the good old days. Now she's 14 and knows too many other words.

Dammit.

 

I don't have kids but I have younger siblings ....

When we were trying to adopt my brother Chris my Mom was in her 20's with 5 small kids and trying to make a good impression. She gave my brother Rick her purse to play with to keep him occupied while she was being interviewed by the social worker. Right in the middle, Rick suddenly stands up waving an unwrapped tampon and yelling "Look, Mom! Firecrackers!".

My Mom was mortified but I guess it went okay since Chris is now in his mid-40's and shows no signs of going anywhere.

And tampons are still known as 'firecrackers' in our family.

 

Adding a macabre dimension to the Katy Perry song.

Anyhoo, when my daughter was 3, I must have stubbed my toe or something, eliciting an exclamation from me. She asked if something was wrong. I said, "No, everything's fine." She then said, "Then why did you say 'shit' for?"

When she was about 2, she was in the car seat in the front seat and I was driving her somewhere. My wife often drove her around, too, and was often hostile to drivers going too slow or cutting her off. So....a car cuts me off, and my daughter all of a sudden yells out, "HONK! HONK!"

 

Wife was going through our 4th-grader's assignment folder and found a creative writing assignment. He had to say what he would do with $100 if he couldn't keep it and had to give it to a person or charity. His response began: "I would give it to a charity I created, because that is a loophole."

Basically I've raised George Costanza.

 

Your kid is AWESOME.

 

That's amazing.

 

Fourth grade is the perfect age. Smart fourth graders are logical geniuses who aren't encumbered by society's idiocy. Give your son a pat on the back, dixiehack.

 

You have a budding Alex P Keaton on your hands.

 

Is your son hiring?
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