Scorched colon. Ouch.

And what a barrel of laughs he was.

 

The man spent a lot of time studying really big, slow, tedious turtles.
He was either really:
1) patient
2) bored
or
3) boring

 

I really hate to disagree with you Mr. Bastard, but I assume are are forgetting Benny Hill.

 

That's where my wife met me.

 

How long before it's an ER episode?

 

Kid in the town next to my hometown killed himself trying to imitate Jackass. Nobody was surprised. That town is straight out of Deliverance.

 

Unfortunately ... it's been done ...

It also confirms for me the theory that boys are dumb.

 

That story gave me the red ass! (drum roll)

Fire in the hole! (drum roll)

What an asshole! I mean, WHAT AN ASSHOLE! (drum roll)

God I hate Vaudevillian humor. Better stick with what I know.

 

Porn movie title appropriate for this thread:

Stop, My Ass Is On Fire!

And Bubbs ... you, sir, are a pain in the ass.

 

Or, you could go another way and have an anal porn star named Uncle Sam Firecracker.

Uncle Sam Firecracker in ... Porn On The Fourth Of July II: The Anal Chronicles

You'll be whistling more than Dixie out of your asshole when Uncle Sam salutes our troops in Iraq in his own special way, by planting his flag into every anal crevice that's patriotic enough to wave itself at his explosive girth.

Uncle Sam Firecracker wants you! ... to bend over, so he can light your ass up with a grand finale you'll never forget! Think Pop Rocks, a few drops of strategically placed fizzy pop, and Uncle Sam handles the rest!

Buy in now on DVD! Or wait 15 minutes for it to appear on Cinemax.