Sappy thread alert: Boyhood dream realized

When I was 19, and a young private first class in The Man's Army, my unit (a military police "outfit," as my grandfather would call it) was providing security for a special forces unit while the snake eaters were doing whatever it is they do. We were securing some of their information facilities and training areas, etc. You know, really exciting stuff for a 19-year old boy. :

One day, we were working near one of their Black Hawk helicopters, and one of the pilots asked if we wanted to go for a ride. My squad leader pointed toward me and another young soldier and said, "Take them." I almost broke my leg trying to get to the seat beside the door before my buddy (I didn't realize there were two doors ... duh). We were hot, nasty, smelly, tired and ready for a shower after about six days without. But we'd forgotten about that by the time we were in the air. It was awesome, to say the least. Lots of low-level turns, steep climbs and descents, and even a few tricks (flying backwards, etc.) kept me fully engaged and on the verge of pulling a BYH in my pants.

That's when a funny thing happened. With all the air rushing through the cockpit and passenger area, I noticed something. A new smell -- not jet exhaust. Something different. Exciting. Fresh. THAT FUCKING PILOT WAS WEARING COLOGNE!!! I'd been sweating my cha-chas off for six fucking days eating nasty ass MREs, sleeping in the woods, and this SOB's wearing Drakkar Noir (it was the 90s, you know ). Hell, it could've been Hai Karate, for all I care.

Something clicked in that aircraft, and I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Right then and there, three_bags_full was gonna sit in the front seat and drive one. "One of these days."

Well, just under 11 years later, I'm finally gonna make that dream come true. At about 1300 local, my instructor will say the four words I've been working to hear for the past 10 years: "You have the controls."

So, throw up a prayer for me. It'll be rough (if I paid any attention in the simulators this week), and certainly won't be pretty. But it'll be mine.

Sorry for getting sappy and corny on you. Just wanted to share.

Here's what I'll be flying for the next 20 weeks.

 

Congratulations, 3BF. May your flights be uneventful and your landings feather-soft. You may have heard these, but here's some military aviation wisdom passed down through our Air Force family:


If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" And "Oh S...!"

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up here!

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
-- Jon McBride, astronaut

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
-- Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot )

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules:
Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

 

Congratulations, enjoy the hell out of it, and may you always have the same number of landings as take-offs.

 

Can't say it any better than that, so I won't try.

 

That's awesome, TBF. I always wanted to become a pilot, particularly if I could fly Navy jets. Alas, I wound up getting paid to watch sports for a living (poor, poor me ), but it's great to see someone follow their dream to fruition.

 

Now you've got me wondering if it's too late for me to perform with Liza.

 

Fuckin sweet, bro. Congrats.

 

t_b_f, congratulations. This is awesome. You're living the same dream I had--although I don't remember any Hai Karate in mine--but I never pulled the trigger.

 

So what's your dream bird? Or is any helicopter OK by you?

 

Wait a minute. Where do the missiles launch from that thing?

 

So will you be giving rides at the 2009 SportsJournalists.com gathering?