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Road warrior justice needed

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by alleyallen, Aug 2, 2006.

  1. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    This morning as I'm trying to get on I-45, a major interstate in my part of Texas, Joe Bob Marrymycousin is in his trendy white truck and going about 45 miles an hour entering a two-lane stretch. Because of this bozo, I nearly got plowed into by a semi, and for the next mile, I was stuck behind him because all the traffic behind us was zipping around at 70.

    But ole' Joe Bob is taking his sweet time accelerating, hoping to save a few pennies of the $3 of Exxon profit juice he sank into his "rig" this morning while spending an equal amount of money of a flavored coffee he's sipping so delicately he looks like he's giving a demonstration in an Emily Post manners class.

    Frantic hand gestures and hand-written signs failed to get Joe Bob moving faster, and all the while, trash from the bed of his truck is flying out like inanimate creatures suddenly given the power of flight. A pebble or stray rock of crack flies out and hits my windshield, tearing a chunk out of it and making me even angrier.

    As I pass the guy, finally, I offer direct questions about his lineage and his offspring, and he's blithely unaware, singing along to a New Kids on the Block smash hit and imagining he's the big man on campus at Loser High.

    Two side notes:

    1) Entirely too many people have trucks but don't need them. Trucks were and still are meant for work purposes (that was their original intent, anyway), not to get you laid by Mary Jo Hoealot at Jimmy Shitkicker's Bar and Icehouse. And you can tell the people who own trucks but don't use them properly by what they have in their bed: week-old underwear, empty soda and beer cans, perfectly coiled rope, two broken sheets of plywood and the latest copy of Gigantic Asses.

    2) One of the items which flew out of this bozo's truck was an empty can of Coke Zero. Now if I'm to believe the name, technically shouldn't a new can of Coke Zero actually be empty? And as such, shouldn't I have to pay considerably less for a can of it from a vending machine? Not that I've ever actually had a can of that stuff, mind you. Just wondering.

    Rant over. Sorry about this. Return to your lives.
  2. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    I just wanted to say Joe Bob Marrymycousin is my new favorite name. Barely beats Mary Jo Hoealot.

    That being said, douches who drive pickup trucks just to drive them, especially the "trendy" white ones? Piss off.
  3. Sam Mills 51

    Sam Mills 51 Well-Known Member

    Same thing with SUVs. And I don't EVER want to hear an SUV owner b_tching about gasoline prices. Ever.
  4. JR

    JR Well-Known Member

    Sam, you are about to incur the Wrath of Boom
  5. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    I say let the wrath fall. I feel zero sympathy for SUV drivers, and that includes a close family member.
  6. Inky_Wretch

    Inky_Wretch Well-Known Member

    I understand your angle. But not everybody who drives an SUV because they're trendy.

    I drive one because it's damned tough to put a kayak on top of an Accord. A Prius would get stuck in the mud going to my family's cabin in the mountains. And I still can't figure out how to fit sheets of plywood and/or drywall into a VW when we're remodeling our house.
  7. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    Hey Inky! Congrats...um...on your full member state?

    Anyway, I think they're talking about those who drive them as Johnson compensation. At least I was.
  8. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    Thank you IJAG. I was indeed referring to people who drive them because they like them/to get laid/they think it looks cool.

    If you have a legit reason to drive a truck (or an SUV), fine. But I'm thinking it's a safe bet to say one in 5 trucks in Texas are actually used for heavy-duty work.
  9. Armchair_QB

    Armchair_QB Well-Known Member

    If he can't hear you it's always best to pull in front of him, roll down your window and give him the finger. He should notice that.
  10. alleyallen

    alleyallen Guest

    This guy quite literally looked like an Edgar Winters Band reject with glasses and a bad half-goatee. The finger might have been more than he could count.
  11. imjustagirl2

    imjustagirl2 New Member

    Wait a second..people do that? Like guys? Like guys who try to act like they're nice people and wouldn't lie?

    Impossible to believe.
  12. Chi City 81

    Chi City 81 Guest

    :D ;D ;D :D
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