RIP and Why Oh You

What's her screen name?

 

Sometimes, people can't always afford to write a big check to help. They feel that doing a small gesture, such as giving a teddy bear, or posting their condolences on a web site, is at least something they can do.

 

Uh-oh.

This could get funny.

 

I know I try to offer condolences because when you're on the receiving end of them, knowing that people are acknowledging your loss sometimes helps. And if even one person offers something touching, or even appropriately humorous, as a result, then so much the better. And I try to return the acknowledgement that others have shared with me.

There's a saying that "shared pain is reduced, shared joy is increased." Even if an RIP is all you have to offer, you may be taking away a tiny bit of sadness associated with that death.

 

Don't forget "thoughts and prayers."

 

it's acknowledgement we all share the joys and pain of living and dying. we didn't ask to be brought into the world, and we don't always leave on our terms either. i don't see it as forced or phony (not directed at you slappy) to wish the deceased eternal peace. i also understand this can be a jaded group.

 

I didn't take it that way. But it seems forced and phony to write our "thoughts and prayers" are with a distant someone we have no connection to.
As I said, if it's someone you know and has affected you, and I offer my thoughts, that's one one thing.There's a personal connection because I know you.
But I've never met Ted Kennedy. Has he done a lot for the country? Of course. But for me to write my thoughts and prayers are with him and his family in a place that will never see me offer my thoughts and prayers seems.. I dunno, forced and contrived. It seems like it's out there, not for hios family, but so everyone else in our little group can see me do it.
I'm not being bitter and jaded about this. It's something that just hit me in the last two days -- existential condolences.
If one of the Kennedy kids posted here, yeah, we'd be all over it. They would be a member of our extended, dysfunctional family (like they need another one).
if you don't know the person and have no personal connection to him , who cares if your thoughts and prayers are with them or you wish them to RIP...
The more I post on this, the more I find the habit odd and self-serving.

Again, it's only started bothering me the last few days and I'm not trying to be a dick. Am just trying to understand why people -- including myself -- do it/have done it.

I agreee with Alley, you offer because you want to let people directly involved know you care. But if those people will never see it, it comes across as forced and phony.

 

I don't want to "out" her, but I thought everyone here knew Caroline Kennedy was Yawn ...

 

Slap...I'll use one of my RIP threads as an example. When my first ex-wife, Ruthie, died, it hit me much harder than I expected. And knowing that I have shared and will continue to share stories about her, it seemed appropriate to use that thread as a way to express my grief.

That so many people ... none of whom knew her ... took the time to say kind words, even if it was a simple RIP, meant a great deal to me. Because it shows people care about me (and I, them). And if they care about me, then by extensions they probably care to a degree about the things which affect me.

Each one of us had some similar thoughts to Fenian leaving and his thread was almost like an RIP thread, with the exception that the deceased gets to read our comments and speak from beyond the grave.

Again...to me it's about sharing your life and feelings with others. And remember...funerals and weddings supposedly are never about the people directly involved. Don't know where I heard that.

 

And condolences in your instance aren't what I'm talking about.
She was your ex-wife and many people here were sincere; they knew you, knew your grief and were there for you. That's human nature. That's a one or two degrees of separation. They knew her death affected you and that was enough for them. They had your back, so to speak.

It's the Ted Kennedys and Heath Ledgers of the world I'm talking about. We don't know them, but offer a perfunctory "RIP or thoughts and prayers" because it seems like we're supposed to. "Oh, someone famous is sick or died. RIP. my thoughts and prayers...."
It's not the personal level I'm talking about; it's the off-handed formulaic things I'm talking about.

 

I gotcha now! And yes, I can see where the comments in those cases do seem somewhat empty.

As advanced a species as we are, we still haven't learned how to properly express many of our emotions. Maybe, hopefully, one day we'll figure out how to express our emotions with regards to death.