Remind your kids.....please.

I rode my bike to school from age 6 on... I would never dream of letting my son ride his bike to school next year and I live in an area where there is a lot less crime than where I grew up.

 

Next thing you know... They're in Thailand.

 

Yeah but middle-age couples don't usually fit the profile of the kidnapper. Of course there was Elizabeth Smart. And with the economy in Memphis sucking about as bad as anywhere in the country, empty pockets bring out the desperation in the nutcases.

 

From everything I understand, all of those photos floating around between perverts are not American kids.

 

When I was in fifth grade we had a van with two men pull into our school parking lot to ask for directions. The van was beat to shit and the two guys didn't look much better.
My dumb ass went up to the driver's side door to see what they wanted.
Standing a few feet from the door, with their van between me and the school and shielding me from view, I proceeded to give these guys directions. Directions that even in my fifth grade mind seemed simple.
The guys left ... But afterward I got scared. I realized the potential situation I was in and what could have happened. I still get nerves thinking about it.

My 9-year-old sometimes worries about people taking him.

 

I used to be able to walk to my school (or ride my bike).

I would NEVER allow either of my children to do that today.

This, also coming from a guy who was sexually assaulted on his paper route when he was 11 years old, about 100 feet from my house.

 

Sucks to say it, but pervs are looser than slots in Tunica these days.

 

Yes, the desperate nutcase has been identified.

 

It's every parent's greatest fear, but when you look at the stats strangers taking kids is a rare event. Your next door neighbor is more likely to do it than random dude in a van.

http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=2810

 

People are right. The difference is, 30 years ago you would have never heard about this unless you lived in Memphis.

 

As a parent, you have to let go of your fear. It's hard. It's really hard. But you have to, because your kid needs to grow up.

Fear is not rational. Parental fear is doubly not so. We fear all the wrong things. You see something like this, it chills your blood. But do you have the same reaction to a swimming pool, which is far more likely to do damage to your kid than random stranger? What about speeding while your kid is in the car? That extra 10 MPH is orders of magnitude more likely to hurt your child than a creepy van. You worried about someone sexually assaulting your child? Letting them join a youth sports team is a lot more dangerous than letting them walk to school.

It doesn't even make sense. We are scared of child-snatchers so we don't let our kids out of our houses or out of our sights, but on those extremely rare occasions when children are snatched, it can just as easily happen in the home or with the parents standing right there. We just like the illusion of control.

Learning independence, trusting their own abilities, and basic social skills is a part of growing up. That means being able to walk to a friend's house, ride a bike to school, play in a park unsupervised, and even interact with adults who they don't know. I refuse to raise my kid inadequately, to not foster a sense of independence and capability, just because of my own, irrational fears.

I base my parenting around objective assessment of real dangers, not scary visions in the night.

1) My child starts swim lessons next month, he just turned two. You want to significantly increase the chances your child lives to be 13? Water safety. It makes a real, honest difference.

2) I drive the speed limit. Well, always, but doubly so when my son is in the car. I'm even an asshole to my parents when they drive him around, nagging my speed-happy mom until she gets back down to speed. Highway accidents are a real, significant threat to children's health.

3) When he's old enough to be put into the care of other adults for youth clubs and sports and school, I will make sure he understands that there are boundaries that even an authority figure cannot cross. I will remind him constantly that he can talk to me about anything. Will this guarantee that the next Graham James won't get to him? Of course not, but it's the best I can do.

4) When he's a teenager, I will be the lamest, most annoying, most infuriating parent he has ever met. And he will not be taking the car by himself until *I* am satisfied with his driving skills, no matter what state is unfortunate enough to issue him a license to drive.

In the meantime, he will know his way around his hometown. He will know how to walk to the library and check out books. He will know how to walk or ride his bike to school. He will learn to be a capable, independent human being who can traverse the world around him. And I will not let my irrational fears rob him of those things.

 

What's your point?

Rick, your points are solid. But if you've been a parent who has experienced what's happened here, believe me, you're different after the fact. This is a 7 year old, not a 13 year old.