1. Welcome to SportsJournalists.com, a friendly forum for discussing all things sports and journalism.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register for a free account to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Access to private conversations with other members.
    • Fewer ads.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon!

Question: Is Fergie's "London Bridge" the worst popular song ever?

Discussion in 'Anything goes' started by Double Down, Aug 17, 2006.

  1. Double Down

    Double Down Well-Known Member

    This, frankly, is not a question that should sully the music recomendations thread. Instead we shall attempt to break it down here:

    Six months ago, I was certain that music simply could not get any dumber than "My Humps." That was it. In the human race's numerous attempts to create art over thousands and thousands of years, Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas had finally, and triumphantly hit rock bottom with the release of "My Humps." It seemed impossible that music could get anymore moronic than a song that contained the lyrics, "Whatcha gonna do with all my humps? My humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps?" But, somehow, Fergie managed to somehow dig deeper, reaching unprecedented levels of suckitude. I cannot, for the life of me, believe there has ever been a worse song recorded in a studio and then released to the public -- the audio version of the bubonic plauge, if you will -- than "London Bridge." The writing here makes Ashley Simpson and Brittney Spears sound like Liz Phair and Bob Dylan by comparrison. I want to personally apologize to England for this abortion.

    A quick sampling of the lyrics:

    Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit
    When I come to the clubs, step aside...
    Pop the seeds, don't be hating me in the line
    V.I.P because you know I gotta shine
    I'm Fergie Ferg
    Give me love you long time

    All my girls get down on the floor...
    Back to back drop it down real low
    I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
    Because you know what, I don't give a fuck
    So here we go!

    How come every time you come around
    My London London Bridge want to go down
    Like London London want you to go down
    Like London London be going down like...

    Drinks start pouring
    And my speech start slowing
    Everybody start looking at you

    The Grey Goose got the girl feeling loose
    Now I wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
    It's like everytime I get up on the dude
    Papparazzi put my business in the news
    And I'm gonna get up out my face (oh, shit)
    Before I turn around and spray your ass with mace (oh, shit)
    My lips make you want to have a taste (oh, shit)
    You got that? I got the bass

    Some of the reviews from iTunes:

    "I know teenage girls are going to love this, and I want to hurt the person responsible for it. To sum it up in one word: Deplorable."

    "I would rate this lower than one star, but it won't let me. Simply horrible."

    "I simply have no words for how bad this song is. No melody or rhythm whatsoever. The first truly terrible record of 2006."

    "This is so terrible, I wish I could give it negative stars. Surly a sign of the apocolypse."

    "I just blacked out in agony from listening to this. Just horrendous."

    "Finally it came out! I was waiting for a pop song that contained the brain-shattering "melody" of Hollaback Girl with the 7th-grade-sexually-suggestive mindless lyrics of My Humps. Throw in some of the worst music production in pop music history, some cheesecake, and tons of cash in promotion from record companies and you have a guarenteed hit of the summer. I am not exagerating when I say this is the worst song I've ever heard in my entire life."

    "I think a part of me just died."

    "If you buy this song, Jesus hates you and you deserve to burn in hell."

    And yet ...the song is currently the most downloaded song in iTunes, and is in the top three of most major music charts.

    May God help us all.
  2. Oz

    Oz Well-Known Member

    I was stunned to hear this song at a wedding reception last week. They played "My Humps" right after that. I wish I were joking about this.
  3. Dyno

    Dyno Well-Known Member

    The answer to your question is: yes. And I haven't even heard it.
  4. sportschick

    sportschick Active Member

    I really didn't think she could get any worse than that humps song, but my God! Somebody do something to ruin her voice and put us out of our misery. The Black Eyed Peas used to be a significant band, not they're just crap!
  5. Mystery_Meat

    Mystery_Meat Guest

    Wasn't there a time when Black Eyed Peas were part of the intellectual rap movement with Common and The Roots?
  6. JR

    JR Well-Known Member

    I thought this thread was going to be about Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York.  
  7. sportschick

    sportschick Active Member

    Yep, but that was before they added that dumb-ass Fergie and sold out.
  8. Dyno

    Dyno Well-Known Member

    Because I am an idiot, I just went to itunes to hear the excerpt. It was even worse than I thought it would be.
  9. Lugnuts

    Lugnuts Well-Known Member

    DD, In answer to your question, yes.

    I'd rather listen to 'Stars Are Blind' by Paris Hilton 700 times straight than hear 'London Bridge' once.

    I believe that's saying something.
  10. TheSportsPredictor

    TheSportsPredictor Well-Known Member

    Figured You Out by Nickelback is worse:

    I like your pants around your feet
    I like the dirt that's on your knees
    And I like the way you still say please
    While you're looking up at me
    You're like my favourite damn disease
  11. Double Down

    Double Down Well-Known Member

    Oddly enough, JR, Fergie album is titled "The Dutchess" and her real name is Stacy Ferguson, so I guess in a twisted way, Sarah Ferguson is tangentially involved. And to be honest, I hope she sues for defamation.

    As for the Peas, this is actually from Fergie's solo album, so the Peas manage to (mostly) dodge blame for all the agony it will cause, however, I'm sure the entire album was produced by Will.i.am, so frankly, fuck him too.

    Lugs, absolutely. Stars Are Blind is 10 times the song this is, and that song makes my ears bleed and the Baby Jesus cry.
  12. bigpern23

    bigpern23 Well-Known Member

    A charge they gleefully copped to in an issue of Rolling Stone a few years ago. They said something to the effect of, they were making music they loved and no one was listening. The record company suggested they add Fergie for some sex appeal and make their music more mainstream. If they did, they would sell records and get paid. They said, Fuck it, let's make some loot.

    Too bad, too, they used to make some excellent music.
Draft saved Draft deleted

Share This Page