Question: Is Fergie's "London Bridge" the worst popular song ever?

This, frankly, is not a question that should sully the music recomendations thread. Instead we shall attempt to break it down here:

Six months ago, I was certain that music simply could not get any dumber than "My Humps." That was it. In the human race's numerous attempts to create art over thousands and thousands of years, Fergie and the Black Eyed Peas had finally, and triumphantly hit rock bottom with the release of "My Humps." It seemed impossible that music could get anymore moronic than a song that contained the lyrics, "Whatcha gonna do with all my humps? My humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps?" But, somehow, Fergie managed to somehow dig deeper, reaching unprecedented levels of suckitude. I cannot, for the life of me, believe there has ever been a worse song recorded in a studio and then released to the public -- the audio version of the bubonic plauge, if you will -- than "London Bridge." The writing here makes Ashley Simpson and Brittney Spears sound like Liz Phair and Bob Dylan by comparrison. I want to personally apologize to England for this abortion.

A quick sampling of the lyrics:

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit
When I come to the clubs, step aside...
Pop the seeds, don't be hating me in the line
V.I.P because you know I gotta shine
I'm Fergie Ferg
Give me love you long time

All my girls get down on the floor...
Back to back drop it down real low
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
Because you know what, I don't give a fuck
So here we go!

How come every time you come around
My London London Bridge want to go down
Like London London want you to go down
Like London London be going down like...

Drinks start pouring
And my speech start slowing
Everybody start looking at you

The Grey Goose got the girl feeling loose
Now I wishing that I didn't wear these shoes
It's like everytime I get up on the dude
Papparazzi put my business in the news
And I'm gonna get up out my face (oh, shit)
Before I turn around and spray your ass with mace (oh, shit)
My lips make you want to have a taste (oh, shit)
You got that? I got the bass

Some of the reviews from iTunes:


"I know teenage girls are going to love this, and I want to hurt the person responsible for it. To sum it up in one word: Deplorable."

"I would rate this lower than one star, but it won't let me. Simply horrible."

"I simply have no words for how bad this song is. No melody or rhythm whatsoever. The first truly terrible record of 2006."

"This is so terrible, I wish I could give it negative stars. Surly a sign of the apocolypse."

"I just blacked out in agony from listening to this. Just horrendous."

"Finally it came out! I was waiting for a pop song that contained the brain-shattering "melody" of Hollaback Girl with the 7th-grade-sexually-suggestive mindless lyrics of My Humps. Throw in some of the worst music production in pop music history, some cheesecake, and tons of cash in promotion from record companies and you have a guarenteed hit of the summer. I am not exagerating when I say this is the worst song I've ever heard in my entire life."

"I think a part of me just died."

"If you buy this song, Jesus hates you and you deserve to burn in hell."



And yet ...the song is currently the most downloaded song in iTunes, and is in the top three of most major music charts.

May God help us all.

 

I was stunned to hear this song at a wedding reception last week. They played "My Humps" right after that. I wish I were joking about this.

 

The answer to your question is: yes. And I haven't even heard it.

 

I really didn't think she could get any worse than that humps song, but my God! Somebody do something to ruin her voice and put us out of our misery. The Black Eyed Peas used to be a significant band, not they're just crap!

 

Wasn't there a time when Black Eyed Peas were part of the intellectual rap movement with Common and The Roots?

 

I thought this thread was going to be about Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York.  

 

Yep, but that was before they added that dumb-ass Fergie and sold out.

 

Because I am an idiot, I just went to itunes to hear the excerpt. It was even worse than I thought it would be.

 

DD, In answer to your question, yes.

I'd rather listen to 'Stars Are Blind' by Paris Hilton 700 times straight than hear 'London Bridge' once.

I believe that's saying something.

 

Figured You Out by Nickelback is worse:

I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease

 

Oddly enough, JR, Fergie album is titled "The Dutchess" and her real name is Stacy Ferguson, so I guess in a twisted way, Sarah Ferguson is tangentially involved. And to be honest, I hope she sues for defamation.

As for the Peas, this is actually from Fergie's solo album, so the Peas manage to (mostly) dodge blame for all the agony it will cause, however, I'm sure the entire album was produced by Will.i.am, so frankly, fuck him too.

Lugs, absolutely. Stars Are Blind is 10 times the song this is, and that song makes my ears bleed and the Baby Jesus cry.

 

A charge they gleefully copped to in an issue of Rolling Stone a few years ago. They said something to the effect of, they were making music they loved and no one was listening. The record company suggested they add Fergie for some sex appeal and make their music more mainstream. If they did, they would sell records and get paid. They said, Fuck it, let's make some loot.

Too bad, too, they used to make some excellent music.