Pulled over on the way home from work

I used to speed while on the job, but then I decided that it wasn't worth it. Sometimes you can get out of tickets by flashing the press pass, but more than likely that won't work. My theory is, if the paper sends you to a game so far away, with no access to the internet and expects you back at an unreasonable hour, then they better be second-guessing their decision. I am not going to risk losing my license or $120 out of pocket for the paper.

 

And then, there's the flip side.

My daily driver is a 1970 Volvo P1800 Coupe. Yeah, the one Roger Moore drove in "The Saint."

I was in Hollywood when a couple of mulletheads pull up in an 80s firebird. Looked like they were from, I dunno, Pomona or something.

Anyway, they look over at me, taunt me and ask if I wanna go. "Lemme see whatcha got, faggot!" One of them yelled. They had no idea my P1800 has 120hp under the hood. A Kubota lawn tractor could kick my ass.

They also had no idea that a cop was behind them as they stomped on the gas and squauled the tires, going sideways after the light turned green.

It was right out of the Criterion Collection Director's Cut of JOE DIRT. I laughed my balls off all the way home.

 

That's good stuff.
Nothing amuses me more than when some dickhead cuts me off or passes me on a two-laner even thought I am already speeding, and then gets nailed by a cop. I love passing by slowly and staring at them while they are getting written up with a big ticket.

 

You're full of shit.

You'd never flip off anyone.

 

What is your insurance bill? Those maggots must be loving you.

 

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING, !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At a past gig, I spent quite a bit of time covering stuff in neighboring states. In a 16-month span, I got stopped three times in one of those states. All three occasions happened within 10 miles of the state line and in the final three days of the month.

The last of those was on a Thanksgiving weekend where I covered a Friday night game in one state followed by a Saturday game in another. I got popped less than five miles across the line because of "saturation patrols" where they were nabbing everybody the could. Native American trooper asked if I'd been drinking. He seemed a little offended when my response was, "No, sir. Have you?"

Of course, nowadays I drive a ragtop, which means I'm going 10 miles per hour over the posted speed limit even when I'm sitting at a stoplight/sign. If the top's down, I'm doing at least 15 over. I had one state trooper tell me he clocked me at 80. I was doing 70.

 

Mr. Lugs, who doesn't drink, was also pulled over on a Friday evening when a lot of people would've been driving home from holiday office parties.

A friend of mine who's a lawyer tells me the suspicion of DUI stops are at an all-time high.

I'm thrilled.

Getting offed by a drunk driver is not the way any of us want to go...

 

I was pulled over two weeks ago, around midnight. Cop said my headlight was out. I honestly had not realized it.

He said he was gonna have to write me a ticket. That's when some little voice deep inside spoke up. Me being a girl. Him being a cute guy. I told him I was planning on traveling two hours up the road and I surely didn't want to get pulled over again.

Me: Um, officer, can you show me how to change the bulb, please?
Him [smiles, ego hits ceiling]: Well, sure ... sure, it's easy. Pop the hood.
Me [flips the hatch]: There ya go.

I get out, and we're looking at the headlight under the hood. He then flips into "I'm the teacher-you're the naive woman-mode" -- telling me that you just have to find the back of the headlight, when ... all of a sudden - my headlight comes on!!!!!! Something was just loose.

He laughs. I laugh. Then he says, "You know I charge by the minute." I told him, "I hope you're cheap."

Cop: Have a good night maam. (no ticket!!!!! YEAH!!!!)

 

I got pulled over for swerving once (while changing a CD). I knew full well why I got pulled over, but the cop was cool.

The worst thing that ever happened with a cop was when I got pulled over in rural NW Oklahoma. I just left a town where I was covering a prep tournament and was headed home. A cop in front of me was driving a SUV and towing a boat, obviously out for duty at a lake. He wasn't going fast, 50 mph in a 65, but I knew he wouldn't be on the road for long so I didn't pass him. Well, he quickly pulls over halfway on the shoulder. I thought he was baiting me, but he stayed on the shoulder for a good 1/2 mile. So I passed him. He immediately pulled me over. He asked why I passed him in a no passing zone. I told him the line was broken for the pass. After a couple of pleasant exchanges (Well, can I see your license? Nice day, isn't it?), he again asked why I passed him in a no passing zone. I insisted I didn't. I wasn't mad, just insisting I didn't. Then he shouts:

"Hey buddy! You don't tell me what's going on here!"

I simply told him I wasn't looking for an argument, just that my pass had been legal.

He stared at me for about five seconds, threw my license at me (yes, he fucking threw my license at me), and said, "Get out of here before I give you a ticket."

I drove five miles under the speed limit until he was gone.

 

Three things you don't talk about, lest you upset the Karma Police: the weather, traffic and how you were done 30 minutes before deadline. To which you can now add bitching about being pulled over by cops. It's bad karma.

 

I'm leaving the office in 5 minutes for a court appearance to fight a ticket that's now climbed to more than $800.

The offense? Entering a crosswalk on a blinking yellow light.

I kid you not...stay tuned, more to come.

 

I have been pulled over late at night after work three times, couple other times not so late at night when not working. Once was like 2:30 a.m. I did a rolling stop at a four-way stop at a near deserted intersection (even during the day) and the cop pulled me over. I was freaked out so I gave him the details of what I was doing -- just got off work, going to Hardee's before I went home. I know now (but not then) that he wanted to see if I was drunk. I'm sure the fact that (a) I wasn't and (b) my detailed story let me go.

Other times was for speeding 60 in a 50 and forgetting to turn my headlights back on after leaving a gas station until I passed through an intersection. Got nothing but a warning each time. They were just looking for drunks.