Predictions for 2008

Shit, my psychic told me Saturday's Powerball numbers.

 

Boston area fans will be as insufferable as we all expect during their soul-to-the-devil run.

 

-South Carolina will weed out the weaklings and the top two on both sides will prevail
-Expect crazy shit to happen at the polls in the major cities in November, which means that all of this improvement of election machines and computerized ballots will be mute
-No dates for me, as usual.
-The Pats will win by 21+ in the SB and it will be the least watched (thanks to the casual bandwagon viewers)
-5 big names will kick the bucket
-A-Rod will whip his shit out and take a pee test in front of the NY media to prove that Canseco's book and allegations are bunk.
-Bonds will retire

I have more, but I'm heading out to meet up with some friends. 1 hour 57 minutes before I turn 32. Hoo-ray!

 

Tigers win the Series.

Edwards is the new President.

Michael and Link are both gunned down trying to make their latest escape.

William Shatner has a massive heart attack in the middle of filming a Priceline commercial.

Zeke finally gets fired ... and Millen doesn't.

The Lions still suck ... Shaun Rogers gets fatter.

Bill and Hilliary finally get divorced after her failed White House bid (what possible use could she have left for him?).

The new Star Trek movie is released ... and nobody fucking cares!

The Detroit News closes its doors.

Barry roids up again and mashes 55 home runs for the A's in just 81 games as DH.

Matt Lauer gets a tupe!

Katie Couric's second career on the Silver Screen launches with her first role as the Joker in, "Batman: the Dark Knight."

The new reality show, "Celebrity Death Match," makes its debut in February with, "Donald v. Rosie." Rosie crushes the Donald and then snaps guest announcer Jim Rome's neck for the fun of it. It's a HUGE takedown for the Pimp-in-the-Box, errrrr, host of the Jungle. Epic!!

Rachel Ray expires from an arsenic-tainted cup of joe from Dunkin Donuts. De-lish!!!

 

My wife will transition, successfully, into a hybrid kind of freelancing thing and gets started on that idea that makes her the second author to earn a billion bucks.

Our first grandbaby arrives healthy and happy in mid-to-late March.

Both my (step)daughters remain healthy and happy.

My mom keeps swinging (literally, in some cases) through her 90th birthday in February and beyond.

That'll do nicely.

 

After numerous ill-fated attempts, Bat Boy finally wins the White House.

 

The SEC will continue to revolutionize college football with their uber speed and crazy athletic ability.

Mobile/athletic quarterbacks will continue to be vastly overrated while statues like Tom Brady and Brett Favre win championships.

Sports columnists will break out every variation of Belicheat, the Cheatriots, and whatever "clever" nickname they can conjure when writing about the Patriots' Super Bowl win over Green Bay.

A major league baseball player will test positive for steroids. Twice.

"Going Green" will no longer be the trendy thing to do. It'll be replaced by "Being Brown", which will consist of using/eating only products that come directly from the Earth.

Reality TV shows will slowly start to lose their luster, and the sitcom will once again reign supreme.

The Chicago Cubs will make a World Series run, right up until August.

Media outlets across the country will produce articles about how much money corporations lose during March Madness, then subsequently plug their own 'March Madness" fill-out-the-brackets contest.

An upset will occur in sports and ESPN will spend two days analyzing their analyzation of the game.

Big Ten Network and NFL Network will join forces to become the Big NFL Network -- all NFL, all the time, except when we're showing Big Ten games.

American Idol will crown a winner. A year from then, that winner will be playing state fairs with Taylor Hicks, Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard.

Les Miles will go to Michigan. To visit his wife's family.

 

Chinese Democracy will, yet again, go unreleased.

 

Anyhoo...
--In a shocker, so to speak, spaceman decides he wouldn't hit it.
--Johnny_Dangerously breaks new ground in April by releasing his college football offseason top 25.
--Rokski sends sj reeling with a 50-word post, making members think he hit "send" a half-hour before he intended.
--A reporter is arrested for surreptitiously flogging the dolphin at the SEC gymnastics meet.
--SJ wonders why BYH is posting from Birmingham.