Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ (UPDATE)

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

My prayers are being said.

Also, do not lose hope. It was 11 1/2 years ago when I got a phone call from my mom in tears. My dad had started getting nosebleeds and he went in to get it checked. They found a tumor mass to the side of his nose that was growing.

Our entire family started praying so hard. We knew for sure it would be malignant but we were hopeful it was early enough to be treatable. A week or so later dad went in to have the surgery to have as much of the tumor as possible removed.

The samples were sent from Milwaukee to Pittsburgh for analysis and we waited one very, very long weekend for the results. My dad's doctor got the reports in on a Tuesday ... benign. The doctor was so sure it had to be malignant he called Pittsburgh and had them run the tests again. He'd seen these kinds of tumors before and they were always malignant. But it was benign again.

11 1/2 years later dad is still doing great. He and mom just drove back home to Milwaukee from Florida in about a day and a half. Dad covered more than 850 miles Wednesday and the rest Thursday. They left Wednesday morning and were home by 3 Thursday afternoon. Even I couldn't do that.

I truly believe prayer works. And, like I said, my prayers are with you.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Thinking of you, fj.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

FJ--First, good luck with your surgery, hope all goes well for you.

Your parents are lucky you're there to follow up with the doctor and ask the important questions. I have been where you are now--several times--and I know the nauseating confusion and panic you feel. As others have said, the more you know, the more you can begin focusing on the cure, not the illness.

As for the doctor's assessment of 'a few months to two years,' just shove that in a drawer and forget it....you just don't know. They told my dad six months, he lived a very quality life for 4 more years.

If your parents are willing, get several opinions....it's shocking how different experts have different views on treatment. My sister had a cancer diagnosis after a colonoscopy in her mid 30s, went to three specialists at major hospitals, each one had different approach. (She is now in perfect health and bitchy as ever, thank God. 8) )

And folks, please: Get the colonoscopy. If you have family history, if you're of a certain age...It's one day of annoyance that can save your life.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

My advice, like old_tony's, would be not to lose hope, and not to be maudlin, either.

Things very well may be serious, even grave. But every case is different, and the medical help available these days really is amazing.

My father died of prostate cancer on Aug. 6, 2008.

Before that, though, he lived with it for 10 years, after an original diagnosis that didn't give him more than a year.

His case was already at the most-advanced (Stage 4) level of spread/seriousness when he was first diagnosed, and his PSA at the time was 64 -- 64! -- nanograms. I think normal is considered to be between 4 and 10, although it may sometimes be a little higher, depending upon a man's age.

Prostate cancer is considered one of the more slow-moving cancers. That is all relatively speaking, of course, but still, that fact is helpful in making this Big C not necessarily the quick and immediately scary death sentence that some of them, like ovarian and lymphatic cancer, generally are known to be.

So, you shouldn't lose hope yet, and your father and family shouldn't, either.

Seek out and find the best doctors and care that you can, ask a lot of questions, and always, be a good advocate for yourself and your family members. The medical help available and a positive outlook just may take you a long way, right up until the end, almost.

My father's last years were mostly good, with only the last one being really notably different from the others in terms of the way he usually felt, and how much energy or ability he had to function daily without help.

I'll pray for the same success for your dad, and for as much calm and peace of mind as it's possible to have in this situation for you and the rest of your family.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Be yourself. Don't change anything about the way you interact with your father unless you're used to being a total turd around him.

The times my father was with me at doctor's appointments in an effort to comfort me, I ended up having to calm him down because he was making me more nervous.

Arm yourself with all the knowledge you can, but like old_tony and WriteThinking said, never give up hope. I am convinced my grandfather's death was hastened because he gave up. I'm convinced my aunt's death from diabetes complications happened because she gave up.

My battle with cancer, then later my battle against my employers, showed me I'm much more of a fighter than I thought.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Prayers for your family, farmerj.

My best to you.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Thanks again for all the kind words. My surgery went well today, I just tried to get my parents to keep everything on the DL before I went under. That worked for about :30.

Mom broke everything down for dad last night (you know, when he wasn't coming out of antistesia (sp?)) and he has a much better understanding of what's going on now. I think she gave him too much hope but he needs that right now. Today, he kept saying 'when I get through all this, when I get through all this' -- as if things are going to return to normal someday soon.

From what I've put together from WebMD (I know, I know) he is in Stage IV or Stage IV1a. This is not good. Most of his type of cancers have a survival rate of between 11 months and three years. I think dad is at the short end.

Again, thank you all for the well wishes. I'll give everyone an update on Tuesday, if not just for my mental health. I'm praying for any ray of hope. A good summer, one more Christmas, not a lot of suffering.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

One of the worst things you can do is go online and start reading about this shit -- take it from one who knows -- it will drive you fucking insane. Or worse, check the message boards and support groups. Best wishes.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

Wishing you and yours all the best, fj. God bless.

 

Re: Prayers needed for the real FarmerJ

You sound like you're dealing with this in the best possible way and I applaud you for that, though I'm sure the challenges will get tougher as you go. All the best to you and your family -- I hope you get more than you expect but nothing less than what you've asked for, which is the simple desire to treasure the time you have. God bless you and your family.

 

We went to the doctors to day and got a final diagnosis. Dad does has cancer of the esophagus, and it has spread to the liver, but not the stomach.

He was afraid that the doctor was going to tell him that there was nothing he could do. However, upon examination the doctor was encouraged that he couldn't feel any swollen lymph nodes and his liver wasn't enlarged. In short, other than what he saw on the tests and the weight loss he couldn't tell that dad had cancer.

He is in the inoperable stage. The doctor said because it's spreading it would be almost pointless to keep chasing it.

He seems very hopefull (more hopefull than I thought he was going to be) that the chemo is going to help extend my father's life -- hopefully past the six-month benchmark. He starts Friday. I'm buying him one of those digital picture frames from Best Buy so he has some photos of good times to look at while he's resting.

So that's that. My mom had a tough time with it today, and one of my main concerns is her well-being. I'm doing okay. I think it will really hit me when I start feeling better from my sinus surgery. I mean, let's face it -- I feel overwhelmed right now, but with a head full of snot it's kind of hard to cry your heart out. I'm sure there will be more than enough time for that later.

Thanks for letting me vent guys.

FarmerJ

 

Sorry to hear that it's inoperable, but at least your dad's doc is hopeful that some more time can be bought.