Post a Joke

I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Your nephew made me laugh really hard.

 

A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"








Julia Roberts walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

 

I think this is when you ask for a buyout.

 

I also laughed harder at that than I probably should have.

 

How about a round of old (bad) leper jokes ...

Why did they call off the leper hockey game? There was a face off.

What do you call a leper in a hot tub? Stew.

Why did they call off the leper poker game? They all threw their hands in.

Why did the leper crash his car? He left his foot on the gas.

What did the leper say to the prostitute? You can keep the tip.

 

After months of hard work in the North Pole, this penguin finally got a week's vacation, so he decided to spend it trolling around the Arizona deserts. He was enjoying his time when his car started smoking.

The penguin rolls into a mechanic's shop, and the dude says, "This shouldn't take more than an hour to fix. Go into town and get something to eat. When you come back, you'll be ready to go."

The penguin walks down the street and sees an ice cream shop. So he walks in, orders some a sundae and goes to town. Unfortunately, without fingers, he's got to use his flippers, which makes quite a large mess. There's vanilla ice cream all over his hands and face.

Finally, he checks his watch, pays the bill and heads back to the mechanic. When he walks in, the mechanic starts explaining the problem. He says, "Well, it looks like you've blown a seal."

A bit startled, the penguin says, "Oh, no, no. It's just ice cream."

 

stop me if you've heard this one ... a baby seal walks into a club.

 

Those. Are. Epic.

Love it.

 

A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis and would like some more.

'I'm sorry', says the pharmacist, 'We don't have any!'

'But I always buy it here,' says the blonde

'Do you have the container that it came in?' asks the pharmacist.

'YES', said the blonde, 'I'll go home and get it.'
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, 'This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant'

Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container . . . 'TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM.'