People in my office suck

I've seen dogs in wheelchairs and it makes me laugh everytime. I just can't help myself, but they are usually very small dogs and I know every laugh means another minute in hell, but I can't contain it.
Also, it is stories like these that make me glad I work at home.

 

we could probably start a whole new thread about disgusting newsroom keyboards. two in particular stand out from when i was in the newspaper business. you didn't even want to put your hands on the keyboard they were so nasty.

we could probably add another thread about nasty ass drawers - you know, the ones filled with ketchup packets and soy sauce and all that shit.

 

I used to work with this dude who was narcoleptic...you would look over and see he nodded off and his whole screen was covered with kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkks. He would also bring his mail to the office and do things like go through the TV Guide and hi-lite the shows he wanted to watch next week.

 

See, now that sounds cool. My guy sucks beyond belief. If my boss doesn't do something to stop it (Not that there's a lot that can be done ... you'd think at some point he'd get a little tired of coughing enough to make a conversation on my phone 10 feet away very hard, but that would probably involve logic, and logic isn't a part of this guys makeup) I'm going to rip him a new one tonight.

I felt bad for the guy three weeks ago when someone told him a doctor to go to. I felt bad last week when everyone told him to go 10 times. I don't give a shit any more. I don't feel at all bad for him any longer, and any pain he's in is his own damn fault. If you're too stupid to go to the doctor, then at least stop making my desk a biohazard.

 

Are you sure that wasn't just part of some Klan ritual?

 

Being a rather large man myself, I can attest to the drawer full of condiments. I don't use condiments but others do and I keep them from whatever disgusting crap I might bring in from one of the fast food joints.

One day a friend of mine asked for a packet of ketchup. I threw him one from the drawer. Apparently it had been there for quite some time as the ketchup came out black. Thank God he hadn't put any on his food. We still laugh about that to this day.

 

I worked with this woman, too. Only mine smoked. It was 10-below one day and I shot out of the office to grab some dinner from the groceteria across the street. She's outside having a drag, looks up at me and says, 'You know, it's not healthy for you to be outside without a jacket on.'
I swear I stopped dead in my track and it was all I could do to keep my mouth shut.

 

See, now crap like that is how people of a larger size get picked on. Me being how I am, I refrain from saying anything else about anyone's health.

However, picking on someone for the sake of picking on them is just cruel and heartless.

 

Ketchup turning black? Isn't that a sign of the apocolypse?

 

Ask him about the twinkie.

 

And one about the rubber gunk that builds up inside computer mice (the track-ball kind from olden days). I swear every boss I've had had a mouse that moved like molasses because it had a shreded Firestone radial inside.

 

Flip, a certain former Rockies writer who was banished from the Coors Field pressbox because of his excessive consumption of porn, used to clip his nails continuously throughout every game. Every game. I remain dumbfounded to this day because I am shocked he had fingernails left after his nonstop trimming.

Another dude at an earlier stop used to have something of a nervous tick. He would sneeze -- very loudly -- then unleash a "whoop, whooop, whoop" while facing skyward and vigorously rubbing his hands.