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Patrick Hruby on Dock Ellis, complete with funky design

Discussion in 'Journalism topics only' started by Versatile, Aug 23, 2012.

  1. Alma

    Alma Well-Known Member

    Down arrow didn't work for me on the laptop. Well, it did - it just took me to the next segment of the story, which is preceded by pictures/graphics.
     
  2. silent_h

    silent_h Member

    Great question. The ending absolutely could work the way you suggested -- in some ways, I think it would work quite well, creating a nice (and classic) symmetry between Part 6 and Part 1 that would work well with the arc of the story, which is kind of a psychological hero's journey. (And yes, Part 6 was very much written to parallel Part 1).

    So, to actually answer your question: the original version of the piece had a small ending that was cut, a scene involving Ellis going to an NA meeting after his first sober game in the Florida senior league. It also had a second cut scene in the middle, involving Ellis' first major league exhibition outing. There was a bit of a two track narrative going on, and it ended up being too complex and unnecessary.

    So, an editor I trust suggested ending the story with the quote from Ellis' widow. I think he was right. It's actually a pretty natural ending to Ellis' journey -- which, in the end, didn't really have anything to do with baseball, either. Another way to think of the story's arc is a line from myth to man, from all of the various psychological tricks and walls and guises Ellis employed to self-awareness, emotional honesty and acceptance. Acceptance of loss. Of death, really.

    As such, I think the last section is less an epilogue than it seems. Ellis learning to be open and intimate and unafraid of pain and loss really took his entire life, and while he was much closer in his later years - his happiest years - it carried on until the very end.

    Does that make sense? I know that's a lot, and I don't really spell it totally out in the piece, and frankly, I'm not Gary Smith. This is one of my first shots at this kind of narrative, one that's more an emotional journey than anything else. I'm still learning how to write that kind of piece.
     
  3. 93Devil

    93Devil Well-Known Member

    I just scrolled through this on Chrome and it looked amazing.
     
  4. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    I think sports profile writing is tricky because you have to ask yourself, is this a story about a baseball player or a story about a man who played baseball? Answering that question can be very difficult when you're already so invested in the man you're writing about. I think too often profile writers get swept up in the person and lose sight of the sport, which is the only reason anyone wants to read about the guy. We recently had a discussion about Wright Thompson's Urban Meyer feature, and that was an issue I brought up about the piece. S.L. Price is the best in the business at profiling major sports figures because he finds ways to tie the sport and the man together perfectly.

    Your particular story is interesting because I think a reasonable case could be made for either side. But I think the way you built up the lede presented the story more as a baseball tale before you turned it into a story about a man who happened to play baseball. There's almost a demarcation where you leave the field, then another for that nice return in the sixth section before you finish with the story of the man.

    I think your analysis is rather self-aware, and I appreciate that you are willing to be so honest to an anonymous critic. Most of us probably think of Patrick Hruby as the guy who writes essays about the intersection of sports and culture, and you're brilliant at those. I think the first few sections typified your best work but also your comfortable work. It's encouraging to see that ESPN was willing to let you branch out beyond your traditional areas and tackle a more emotional story like this, as I've often felt the World Wide Leader has so many writers that it pigeon-holes them into specific niches with no escape.

    I think you handled the emotional writing well, too. The quotes, particularly from the addict whose name slips my mind right now, were strong and you built to them well. But the piece sent mixed signals about its purpose. Other readers may very well like that approach, addressing the person and the player and the tall tale all at once, but I'm conservative in this regard.
     
  5. +1 ... Loved it.
     
  6. silent_h

    silent_h Member

    I appreciate your analysis. Some smart people on the ESPN copy desk felt the same way, albeit in slightly different words. All of you have a good point. It may be the case that I was trying to do too much with the piece -- Dock Ellis had an incredibly interesting life on and off the field, I very much wanted to give readers a taste and feel for that -- and that it lacks focus as a result. During rewrites, I actually had to go back in and make some subtle edits to better signpost the arc of the story and what the reader is supposed to take from it. I have a natural aversion to directly telling readers what a story is about and how they should feel about it, but you always have to do that to some extent.

    That said, it was also intentional on my part to have the piece feel like a baseball tale, and then become something else. In a way, I wanted the reader to go on the same journey Dock did, to start with all the walls and acting out and self-protective layers and eventually end up with the man underneath. I even tried to make the feel and tone of the prose shift over the course of the piece to match this transition. Not sure how much that worked or if it's noticeable to anyone but me.

    I don't think I could have added much, if anything, by just retelling the story and myth of the LSD game, and maybe folding in a bit of biographical baseball material. That's been done, and done well, largely by Dock himself. So I never wanted to write a straight baseball story.

    The story originally started as something different than what it ended up being -- I was going to go on a quest to find the supposed lost/suppressed full footage of the game, and in doing so, explore the nature of cultural myths. Pretty quickly into my reporting, however, I realized that I was much more interested in Dock himself. Moreover, I realized that just about everything ever said or written about the LSD no-hitter basically revolved around the same question: did he or didn't he?

    I wanted to figure out why Ellis did it -- or claimed to do it. And, at least for me, it turned out that the answer to that question was much richer and deeper than, Hey, It Was The Times, Man.

    I've never thought of myself as Patrick Hruby The Guy Who Writes Brilliant Essays About The Intersection Of Sports And Culture. That's interesting. It also makes it sound like I should be working for Grantland. Ha. As for writing more emotional stories, I think that's less a case of ESPN allowing me to do something different than me maturing as a writer and person and wanting to try different things.

    I don't work for ESPN anymore -- and haven't for quite some time outside of the occasional freelance piece -- but one very good thing I can say about my time there is that I never felt pigeonholed. I mean, the old Page 2 was, in a way, something of a pigeon nature preserve in that junk food-y satire, humor and snark was our bread and butter; nevertheless, ESPN gave me the opportunities to write about a pretty wide variety of things, in a wide variety of styles, and I tried to take full advantage. I was never given a defined role and I was more than happy to not ask for one, because I'm curious about a lot of different things. ESPN was a great fit for me in that way, though I suppose it didn't make me the best fit for them. I agree that many writers there end up filling niches, which is probably only natural given the company's size, scope and mission.

    You are right about the quotes from the addict, John Shandy. They are powerful and make the story much stronger. They almost act as glue for the entire piece. He was a terrific and generous interview. I also appreciate the kind words regarding the emotional writing. I like to think that's a sign I'm getting better at the craft. I recently wrote a piece for the Washingtonian magazine about Austin Trenum, a high school football player who suffered a concussion and subsequently committed suicide. It was extremely emotional to report and write, probably not something I could have done properly five years ago.

    One thing I seldom see discussed on this board -- I mean, during the writing craft discussions -- is how maturing as a writer has a lot to do with maturing as a person. Particularly when it comes to understanding and empathizing with other people, both of which are at the heart of good reporting.
     
  7. Versatile

    Versatile Active Member

    The tonal changes were clear throughout. Again, I prefer more cohesion from start to finish. But that's a matter of preference. You achieved what you set out to achieve.

    If you asked me to name a few of your previous stories, I'd mention the ones about Madden, high-fives, hockey-fight enthusiasts and sports conspiracies. There's a big audience for that type of writing, and those stories drew great praise. I liked them all quite a bit. When I began this story, I expected something along those lines. The first section felt very comfortable with those three other stories I mentioned. So, in the mind of this well-read sports journalist, the Patrick Hruby byline comes with a set of expectations, as do the Gary Smith byline and the Wright Thompson byline and the Bill Simmons byline.

    Even as an editor, I've seen myself mature through the years in how I approach editing. We become our work.
     
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