Paging Freelance Hack: The 5 Burgers Likely To Give You a Heart Attack

They do have a Metallica burger, and it's fittingly weak given the band's status these days:

The Metallica
Buffalo Sauce, Bacon, Bleu Cheese Dressing - $10

 

That is awesome. "I'm telling you, 25 years ago, this burger was heavier and more awesome than it is today. It sucks today. Everything went to shit once they started making smaller burgers for mass consumption."

 

The Night Ranger burger consists of tofurkey and soy cheese on seven-grain, no-fat wheat bread. With the crust cut off.

 

I miss Freelance Hack.

 

Once he stopped doing the All-SJ awards, things started to get wacky.

 

All I remember is his comment when the first Jenn Sterger cleavage pics reached notoriety: 'I don't know whether to insert a bicycle pump or my manhood.'

Is there something wrong with me that I remember that? (I know. There is.)

 

What's your price for fries?

 

The ketchup is so right.

 

That reminds me. Was at Busch Gardens recently and we walked over to get some lunch. Unfortunately, it was right at the beginning of the Halloween-themed "rock show" featuring some of the most God-awful music and visuals you will ever encounter, and within two minutes of entering the building, the band members, complete with some sort of "monster" on Keytar, broke into their version of "Sister Christian." I am not kidding.

 

You can still...BINGE...IN....AMERICA!!!!

 

That's sounds so horrificly awesome, I'd like to see it. Kind of like watching a Bears quarterback.

 

Don't tell me you're hungry, don't tell me you're hungry, don't tell me, I don't wanna know