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Orlando Hudson rehab feature critique help

Discussion in 'Writers' Workshop' started by bbb1978, Aug 9, 2011.

  1. bbb1978

    bbb1978 Member

    Hello, here's a feature on the Padres' Orlando Hudson in a rehab stint several weeks ago. Please provide a critique, and thank you for your time.

  2. ringer

    ringer Active Member

    Good story, but a couple small edits would have made the top of the story clearer and more professional.

    In the lead: "paid a three-day rehab visit" - what? I literally thought he popped into drug rehab at some clinic in Lake Elsinore. Why not just say that he played three days for the minor league Storm while rehabilitating his groin?

    In the second graf: he phrase "The switch-hitter is also getting his left groin back in shape" evoked a bizarre image of someone trying to shape up half of their groin. It might have been better to simply say "strengthen his injured left groin muscle."

    Otherwise, it read cleanly. Just be careful of compromising clarity for trying to sound hip. It's possible to do both, but when in doubt, always err on the side of clarity.

    Hope that helps.
  3. Boom_70

    Boom_70 Well-Known Member

    I think Hudson is taking the wrong approach to getting back on field.
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