Onion: Mr. Met having trouble sleeping in new home

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mr_met_having_trouble_sleeping_in?utm_source=a-section

More solid work by the Onion, particularly the section I pulled out below.

"Explaining that Mr. Met's usual fun-loving antics have taken a dark turn lately, Jose Reyes recalled how the mascot pushed an eight-year-old fan to the ground last week and flipped off Luis Castillo after he struck out on Opening Day. In addition, Reyes said he has seen Mr. Met take out his T-shirt gun, place it in his mouth, and repeatedly squeeze the trigger."

 

I heard he was gay. <crossthreading>

 

Lay off the guy, all right? He's had it rougher than most recently.

 

But ... but ... he seemed fine when I saw him in Buffalo last week ...

 

It doesn't take long, dude. Carlos Beltran made a lot of grown men crumble in 2006. Some of us haven't yet recovered.

 

Is it the new home or has he been having trouble sleeping since 2007 when he caught the Phanatic in bed with Mrs. Met?

 

That was hilarious.

 

Gotta be the tongue; ladies love the tongue.

 

Didn't Mrs. Met also have a few rendezvous with this guy?

 

It's not the size of the swordfish, it's how it swims.

 

That line doesn't work.

 

It would on me.